The Wonderful World of Longmire's Junk Mail

MORE Harriet Carter crap!

Here's a photo of the woman responsible for this junk. Harriet Carter is the Queen of Tacky Crap. Oh, she's good... she's very good.
"Hi. I'm Harriet Carter. Buy my crap!"

This stuff is real.

In our last installment, I introduced you to those lovely Squirrel Lamp Toppers.

Here is a collection of more lamp toppers to hang off your lamp shades...

LampToppers for every occasion! Oh, yes!

Does anyone actually decorate lamps with this crap? If there were some X-rated lamp toppers... then I might consider it. Until then, I'll just stick with bikini bottoms (women's, of course) draped over the top edges of my lamps.


OK, now... I don't think this is the least bit funny or cute...


This Santa is intended to block the draft that may come into your home through the bottom crack of a doorway. Judging by his sitting position, ol' St. Nick here isn't shivering from the cold... (all you guys out there will agree with me on this...) he's actually grimacing and twitching in pain with a major groin pull. It hurts just looking at this.

Damn you, Harriet Carter!


While we're on the subject, check out the name of this cream...

A little dab'll do ya!

Santa will probably be needing some of this.


OK, now, let's get that uncomfortable image out our minds and move onto something new...

Put your own caption here... I'm already going to Hell for this one...

Never be late for supper again with this elegant Last Supper Clock. Preset the alarm for meal time to hear the Lord proclaim "Thouest come and get it!"


Sorry about that...


Since we're discussing food...

This whimsical birdfeeder will provide hours of natural wonder as you observe all species of beautiful birds...feeding from a gaping hole in a frog's abdomen.


I'm speechless.


OK... last but not least, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...


"I will scare the poop out of you!!!
The Toilet Monster

What home is complete without a Toilet Monster? I'm sure any guests in your home experiencing a dire, emergency need for bathroom relief will really appreciate your sense of humor when this springs out at them.

I assume the Toilet Monster is machine-washable.


Well, kids, that's it for now.
When I get some more gems from Harriet, I will surely let you know.

This stuff is real.


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