Note: The standard address, date, and addressee e-mail taglines have been eliminated and converted to dialogue format to streamline and enhance your reading pleasure. All last names of participants have been omitted to protect the innocent...
A Good Wife Always Knows Her Place
Sent: Monday, October 20, 2003 2:48 PM
To: Connie, Kristin
Subject: (no subject)
Brian: Ladies, please review and prepare, there will be a test.
<< File attached: HW.jpg >>
Mark: Wow, Brian... you are really asking for it. For the record... I don't agree with this article and had nothing to do with Brian's decision to share it with you.
Brian: Coward. They know it's satire. I think. Which way are you running away again, I'll go with ya.
Mark: Yeah, you're on your own with this one.
Connie: You are both yeller bellies...run, run like your daddy did last night
Brian: If that's Connie's reply I'm gonna hate to see Kristen's.
Connie: I am sure it will have something to do with xes.
Mark: She even has an "X" on her forehead, left over from her brief, but legendary, stint with the Manson family.
Connie, Brian wants you to be chipper and glad to see him, and have his supper ready when he comes home... around 2 a.m.
Brian: And wear that little number I got you in Vegas. You know, the one that weighs .005 ounces.
Mark: ...when soaking wet. And oh, is it going to be wet...
Brian: I'm not touching that last part. I mean, I would, I'd like to, maybe after some wine, honey?
Mark: Who are you talking to?
Brian: Rain man.
Mark: Brian's an excellent driver. People's Court at 6:00.
Connie: Hey, is this like on-line sex I have heard so much about? 'Cause it's not so bad.
Brian: Hee...actually no it's nothing lik....I don't know.
Mark: Brian, just as we planned, Phase 2 of the moral corruption of Connie is progressing splendidly.
Brian: Just how long will it take to get to Phase 30? I'm getting' all jiggly.
Connie: COB? Close of Business?
Brian: Connie's On Board.
Mark: On board the Brian Love Train. Next stop... ecstasy.
Brian: Actually Hoboken. Then Ecstacy. Expect some delays.
Connie: You are funny...you two continue with the foreplay, I have to work on something.
Brian: I think I resent several parts of that remark.
Mark: Don't worry. What she's doing actually is preparing for your arrival home from work.
Brian: Shotgun trigger tied to the door knob? Oh no, I'm not falling for that one again.
Mark: Connie is actually working on something? Is it October already?
Brian: Careful, I think she collates our paychecks.
Connie: Shut up, I hope that hurt your feelings, Mark.
Mark: Feelings? I have no stinkin' feelings. Not since that horse kicked me.
Connie: No, not gonads (sp?), feelings...
Mark: There's other feelings?
Connie: Oh, you got it in the head, that explains a lot.
Mark: Brian, are you going to let her talk to me like that?
Brian: Oh yeah. You bet. No problem. Good luck.
Mark: Connie likes you better than me. She always turns on me, no matter what you say. I guess you two are close since you attended the "special" school together for so many years.
Connie: We have been family (Hugging Cousins) a long time. Now Marky, if you were sweet like BH, I could like you too.
Mark: I am sweet. You wouldn't know "sweet" if it kicked you in the gonads.
Connie: You've got me there....
Brian: I think we need a group hug consisting of me, Connie, and Kristen.
Connie: BH, I know you mean that in the most upstanding, righteous way. Nothing funny or anything.
Brian: Of course, depending on how you and Kristen feel at the time.
Mark: Actually, it's a diversion while I go through your purses.
Connie: Just what I thought you two are in cahoots. You little weasels.
Mark: Brian, I think I just screwed up Phase 19. Sorry.
Brian: You know, this is the reason we're still eating out of dumpsters. Can't keep it shut can you? Can we skip a couple of phases and make it alright again?
Connie: Gosh, how far do you think you are gonna get with me? What you have read on the bathroom walls are lies, all lies....Brian, you said you would never tell.
Brian: I didn't want to, honest.
Connie: Mark made you do it. I know you would never think to do something so underhanded. I hate to say it, Brian, but I think you are the muscle in this duo.
Brian: Damn, I was wondering about that. We're screwed.
Mark: First time anyone has ever used the words "Brian" and "muscle" in the same sentence.
Connie: You be nice, he has been working out. I saw him drive by the gym once. No, that was in the parking lot of the grocery store by the gym.
Brian: Yes, but I parked near the back and bought a gallon of milk.
Mark: ... from the guy who lives in the dumpster.
Connie: Oh, he found a gallon of milk. Dumpster Diver.
Brian: Yes, but I parked near the back.
Connie: You need to stop being Mark's "errand boy", make him go in for himself.
Mark: I order my milk off the internet.
Your head is too big.
Connie: That was below the belt about my head, I did not say anything about your ears.
Brian: I think we need a group hug consisting of me, Connie and Kristen.
Mark: I think that's an excellent idea. I'll go through their purses.
Well, Connie's purse and Kristen's saddle bags.
Brian: That was good.
Mark: Thank you. I'll be in the lobby for autographs and photo ops.
Connie: OH, what did that mean? You are in so much trouble if we find out.
Brian: You are in so much trouble Mark. Have you noticed all I can do is repeat myself? I've run out of words.
Mark: Trouble is my middle name, mister.
Connie: I have a real question. When I try to save the timesheet on my desktop, it ask me for a password. What is wrong with it?
Mark: Phase 21 has begun.