Note: The standard address, date, and addressee e-mail taglines have been eliminated and converted to dialogue format to streamline and enhance your reading pleasure. All last names of participants have been omitted to protect the innocent...
Employee of the Month
Sent: Wednesday, October 16, 2002 10:12 AM
To: All Employess
Subject: Employee(s) of the Month named
We are proud to announce September's Employee(s) of the Month.
And they are:
Sally Anderson, Finance
Mark Longmire, Graphics
Our winners have received an official 'Employee of the Month' mug and have the special prisms sitting on their desks. There will be a picture and summary of why each was nominated on our homepage next week.
Please join in congratulating Sally and Mark.
"We are proud to announce this month's Employee(s) of the Month."
And they are: Sally Anderson, Finance Mark Longmire, Graphics
Okay, now I've heard everything.
Mark: Yeah, everything except YOUR name.
Brian: As a taxpayer I can't believe the govt. wasted a mug on you, and one you designed of all things, which is the only reason you won when Brenda nominated you.
Mark: Nobody really cares what you believe, taxpayer.
Now, if you don't mind... I'm busy. The duties of EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH are many... but don't worry, YOU'LL never have to be bothered with them.
Brian: That hurt.
Mark: You started it. I was just minding my own EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH business until you started in on me.
Brian: Sorry, September's over. You are an employee of a month that no longer exists. Therefore, you don't exist.
Be gone with you ex-employee of the month.
Mark: I was told that my EOM reign lasts until Nov. 10... well, that's when they want THE PRISM back.
Anyhooo, until Nov. 10, I plan for it to be a reign of TERROR.
If Sally Anderson (whoever the hell that is) were to have an "accident," then it would be a TOTAL reign of TERROR.
Brian: You mean you don't even get to keep THE PRISM? Gee. Congratulations on such a meaningful honor. While you're reigning out all that terror don't accidently break THE PRISM.
Mark: THE PRISM is the key to all the TERROR. It has powers that I am just now discovering. I placed it upon my lap and it increased the length of my privates by 3 inches... which means my privates now measure 4 inches.
Oh, I'm just getting started, baby...
Brian: Can I borrow THE PRISM? If it can increase size maybe it can decrease it.
Mark: No. I don't think it will work on your tumor, dude.
Brian: You can call yours 'privates', 'tumors', 'dancing Johnny', 'the three tenors', whatever... I just call mine my dick.
Mark: Well you and your "my dick" are not getting anwhere near my THE PRISM.
I'm placing it on my dashboard on the drive home to see if it will make my truck fly.
Brian: I'll just go buy my own THE PRISM. Walmart has them in The Prism's section next to drapery.
Mark: You do that... but it will be an imposter THE PRISM and you'll know it. You won't be able to escape that fact.
I EARNED mine... somehow.
I figure that they gave me the EOM title to be an inspiration to others... "If HE can win it, surely to God I can."
Shannon: Mark, Congratulations !
I can't think of anyone more deserving to receive the Employee of the Month Award. Thanks for being there when I have questions (no matter how ridiculous) or need assistance. Way to go !
See the prism: $1.00
Touch the prism: $5.00
Brian: Ha, good one.
Mark: I had a sign like that hanging outside my office earlier today but it didn't work. I got zilch.
Brian: Maybe they saw you with THE PRISM in your lap.
Mark: No, that was later.
I took the sign down after someone wrote some obscenities on it.