"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. By the way, I'm blind, deaf, mute, and late... if you know what I mean."-Helen Keller
"Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. Such is the manner of the gays."-Mary Catherwood
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible. It's also kind of fun to eat rats."-Walt Disney
"A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought.
There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor. Plus,
there's probably an intern under his desk."
"I never met a man I didn't get a kind of strange
and exciting tingling sensation from."
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is
always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down
quietly, may be crushed beneath your massive buttocks."
"Wait... wait for it... here it comes... aaaaaah...
"I regret that I have only a little bit of pocket
lint to give to my country."
"We all have ability. The difference is how we use
it. ... Hello?... Hey, where did everybody go?"
"That's one small stain for a man, one giant teat
"The only thing we have to fear is a giant wheelchair-crushing
squid. Well... uh... actually, I guess that's the only thing
I have to fear."
"The fame of great men ought to be judged always by
their big, fancy names."
"You cannot make yourself feel something you do not
feel, but you can make
"Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people
who have the habit of making meatshakes."
"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood
as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I
put on big man pants and strutted about the room."
"I came, I saw, I visited the gift shop."
"DRINK GOOD, FIRE BAD. VOTE FOR AL GORE."
"I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making
"Nothing is more noble, nothing more venerable than
fidelity. Faithfulness and truth are the most sacred excellences
and endowments of the human mind. Now, git over here, woman,
and work it for Daddy! YEEEHAAA! NASTY!!!"
"O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy
victory? Oh crap, where are my car keys?"
"We have met the enemy and have asked them over later
for drinks and dancing."
"Good-bye my Fancy!
"I have not yet begun to pack."
"Pathetic Earthlings... There's not enough makeup
in the universe to cover those hideous, age-ravaged potato sacks
that you call faces."
"The only good human is a dead human!"
"Genius is one percent inspiration and ten percent
"Carpe diem, quam minimum credula a postero. (Sieze
the carp, and put the small credenza in your #%@.)"
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"You CAN go home