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"Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly, and they will show themselves great. Pinch them and they will get mad."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson


"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. By the way, I'm blind, deaf, mute, and late... if you know what I mean."-Helen Keller


"Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. Such is the manner of the gays."-Mary Catherwood


"It's kind of fun to do the impossible. It's also kind of fun to eat rats."-Walt Disney


"A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor. Plus, there's probably an intern under his desk."
- Victor Hugo, French poet and novelist


"I never met a man I didn't get a kind of strange and exciting tingling sensation from."
- Will Rogers, American humorist


"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may be crushed beneath your massive buttocks."
- Nathaniel Hawthorne, American author


"Wait... wait for it... here it comes... aaaaaah... meatloaf!"
- Winston Churchill, British statesman and prime minister


"I regret that I have only a little bit of pocket lint to give to my country."
- Nathan Hale, American Revolutionary hero


"We all have ability. The difference is how we use it. ... Hello?... Hey, where did everybody go?"
- Stevie Wonder, American entertainer


"That's one small stain for a man, one giant teat for landmines."
- Neil Armstrong, American astronaut, first man to set foot on the moon


"The only thing we have to fear is a giant wheelchair-crushing squid. Well... uh... actually, I guess that's the only thing I have to fear."
- Franklin D. Roosevelt, 32nd American President


"The fame of great men ought to be judged always by their big, fancy names."
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld, French know-it-all


"You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make
yourself a milkshake composed of beef tips, chicken necks, and pork by-products... a 'meatshake,' if you will."

-Pearl S. Buck, American writer, 1938 Nobel prize winner (for silliest walk)


"Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making meatshakes."
- George Washington Carver, American botanist


"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put on big man pants and strutted about the room."
-New Testament, Revolutions, X1II, 11


"I came, I saw, I visited the gift shop."
- Julius Caesar, Roman emperor, 47 B.C.


- The Frankenstein Monster


"I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making meatshakes."
- Booker T. Washington, American educator


"Nothing is more noble, nothing more venerable than fidelity. Faithfulness and truth are the most sacred excellences and endowments of the human mind. Now, git over here, woman, and work it for Daddy! YEEEHAAA! NASTY!!!"
-William Jefferson Clinton, 42nd American President


"O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? Oh crap, where are my car keys?"
- New Testament, Corinthian Leather, XV, 54


"We have met the enemy and have asked them over later for drinks and dancing."
- Oliver Hazard Perry, American Naval Officer, after the battle of Lake Erie, 1813


"Good-bye my Fancy!
Farewell dear mate, dear love!
I'm going away, I know not where,
Or to what fortune, or whether I may ever see you again,
So Good-bye my Fancy!"

- Richard M. Nixon, 37th American President, excerpt from resignation speech, 1974


"I have not yet begun to pack."
- John Paul Jones, American Revolutionary Naval commander


"Pathetic Earthlings... There's not enough makeup in the universe to cover those hideous, age-ravaged potato sacks that you call faces."
-Mary Kay Ashe, Founder, Mary Kay Cosmetics


"The only good human is a dead human!"
- General Ursus, Call to Arms, 3978


"Genius is one percent inspiration and ten percent fruit juice."
- Thomas Edison, American Inventor


"Carpe diem, quam minimum credula a postero. (Sieze the carp, and put the small credenza in your #%@.)"


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