"Oh, see how dat Sunsphere glow!"
Note: We've got more than four buildings downtown... really.
Hot Damn Hayride and Jack Daniels ChugFest 2002 Featuring the return of last year's popular Hog-Lovin' Contest.
September 1st, City-County Building Assembly Room

Kick Jerry's Kids in the Shin (If They Have a Shin) Labor Day Walk-a-Thon
Labor Day, downtown Knoxville

Annual "Big Labor Day Fireworks Extravaganza With Lame Soundtrack Accompaniment Medley of Overplayed 70's Hits and That Tired Old Lee Greenwood Ballad 'God Bless the USA' with Continuous Mention of the Event's Radio Station Sponsor Just In Case You Forget for One Moment Who's Sponsoring the Thing"
Labor Day, 9 pm, Knoxville riverfront

Knoxville Museum of Art Open House
Abstract and impressionist art, basket weaving, poetry reading, Peruvian pottery, wine tasting, and all that other sissy crap.
6-11 pm, September 9th, Knoxville Museum of Art

Heineken Holler, Hack, and Hurl Night
Every Saturday night, Bambi's, Chapman Highway

Run-Over-a-Senior-Citizen-and-Spin-Your-Tires-in-Their-Guts Day
2nd Tuesday in September, Knoxville Center parking lot (at JC Penney entrance)

Lesbian Appreciation Day
September 12th, Women's Basketball Hall of Fame

Wear Nothing But Socks Day
September 13th. Sponsored by the Knoxville Chapter of the League of Women Voters

Detonation and Dispersement Exhibit and Show (special appearance by Knoxville native Pete "Stumpy" McDougal)
September 15, West High School Gymnasium

Shove Your Pager Down the Front of Your Pants and Dance About the Room Karaoke Night
September 14th, Shriner's Disco Temple

Erectile Dysfunction Parade and Craft Fair (featuring Marshal Andy and his strange, sour-smelling cowboy pals)
September 15-17th, Market Square Mall

Condom Dispenser Restoration and Repair Exhibition/Workshop (hosted by former Action 10 News Anchor Bill Williams)
Friday-Sunday, September 15-17, Jacobs Building, Chilhowee Park

Mayhem On The Waterfront/Boat Expo (all day event)
September 15th, Volunteer Landing

Tennessee Valley Fair Trailer Park Queen Pageant
September 18th, Chilhowee Park Ampitheater

Knoxville Rotary Club Porno Breakfast (with featured speaker Mayor Victor Ashe)
7 am, September 20th, Porn 'o Plenty Adult Boutique

Interstate Overpass Sniper and Cinder Block Drop Competition
10 am-4 pm, September 23, Clinton Highway exit, I-640

The 12th Annual Rowdy Night on the Town
6-11 pm, September 23rd, Gay Street and Market Square Mall

The 12th Annual Charred Corpse Roundup
8 am, September 24th, Gay Street and Market Square Mall

Rehab Rough-Housin'
September 27th, Knoxville Civic Coliseum

Mailbox Demolition Tournament (on the Dogwood Trail)
10 am- 5pm, September 30th, Sequoyah Hills

Calvacade of Washed-Up and Desperate Country Music Stars (free admission with donation of canned goods)
8 pm, September 30, Dollywood Theater, Pigeon Forge

Mark these events on your calendar! Please do!


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