Knoxville's finest gays
swirl, dance, and skip to show tunes along the riverfront in a big
sweaty celebration of the arrival of Autumn. Free hot dogs and facepainting
for gay kids!
October 7, 10 am - 6 pm, Riverfront
Annual Lovetouch Celebration
Mayor Victor Ashe and the Knoxville City Council host an "open house"
for teens for a look at what goes on behind the scenes in Knoxville
October 14, 1pm - 7 pm, City-County
and Entering Breakfast
The Knoxville Sertoma Club hosts a breakfast honoring the awardees
of the recent "Best Burglars in Knoxville" competition. The public
is invited to attend to honor the award recipients and identify
October 3, 7 am, Shoney's on Western
The popular show comes to Knoxville as tribes are formed to inhabit
condemned residences in crime-ridden neighborhoods. Featured competitions
among the tribes include drive-by spearings, wino toss, "jungle"
lore trivia, arson free-for-all, and blood donation relay races.
October 9 - 13
the 13th Riverboat Cruise
Don't miss this thrills 'n chills ride as maniac killers run rampant
aboard Knoxville's premier riverboat, The Star of Knoxville,
as it makes its way down the beautiful Tennessee River. After the
crew is systematically decapitated, you can test your skills at
October 13, 7 pm - 11 pm, sponsored
by the Greater Knoxville Chamber of Horrors
and Child Hollerin' and Slappin' Contest
All-day event, every day, at all area
Drop, and Roll Hayride
It will be a hot time in the old town tonight! Invite your
family and friends along for a flaming hayride through the Old City.
Survivors will enjoy free Dalmation burgers, compliments of the
Animal Shelter Barbeque (see below), and coupons good toward one
free skin graft, compliments of St. Mary's Hospital.
October 20, 6 pm - 10 pm, sponsored
by the Knox County Volunteer Fire Department
Bonanza and Fart Festival
Sample the best pinto beans recipes Knoxville has to offer. Pooting
contest starts at 11 pm. Bring an extra pair of britches.
October 21, 6 pm - Midnight, Market
Animal Shelter Annual Barbeque
We believe that this event is self-explanatory. Free admission,
but a $5 donation is suggested.
October 21, 11 am - 3 pm, sponsored
by the Knoxville Optimist Club
Knoxville Elite Banquet and Dance
By exclusive invitation only. This is only mentioned here to remind
the general public that we are more educated, richer, prettier,
and better than you... and always will be. We'll let you know who
attended, what they wore, and detailed descriptions of our extravagantly
expensive jewelry in the "People and Parties" column in the
Sunday issue of the Knoxville News Sentinel.
October 21, 8 pm - whenever we have
finished schmoozing, Cherokee
(All proceeds, crumbs, and table scraps
from this banquet will be donated to various area charities to make
us feel noble and proud of ourselves in our insincere, self-serving
effort of helping you lowlifes.)
City of Knoxville officials show their appreciation of Knoxville's
finest entrepreneurs of "the world's oldest profession" in the form
of a rock-and-rollicking Halloween gala that features pumpkin pie
mush wrestling, bobbing for condoms, treats-for-tricks, pin-the-cash-on-the-nightstand
game, and ho beatings by Knoxville's fanciest pimp daddies. Special
appearance by UT football coach Phillip Fulmer as "Mr. Big-Ass Pumpkin
October 28, 10 pm - 3 am, Knoxville
at the Zoo
Bring the kids for an action-packed zoo safari as drunken animal
handlers release Halloween-costumed lions, tigers, and bears (oh
my!), and other predators, in a free-for-all romp through the zoo.
See how much hidden candy you can find before the animals find
October 28, 6 pm - 11 pm, Knoxville
Zoo, sponsored by Waffle House
Undead Dinner and Dance
Dance to the tunes of the Knoxville-based band, the Judybats, as
Knoxville's vampire community, the Society of Undead Concerned Knoxvillians
(SUCK), holds their annual get-together. Following a buffet dinner,
there will be a panel discussion regarding strategy for the year
2003 membership drive. Admission is free and the general public
is urged to attend.
October 31, 7 pm - dawn, Knoxville Civic
Annual Let's-Blow-Up-The-Sunsphere Event
A yearly event since the World's Fair was held in Knoxville in 1982,
the Sunsphere Hater's Club will once again use explosives in yet
another attempt to bring down the seemingly indestructable phallic
symbol. Let's wish them luck this time!
October 31, all-day event, World's Fair
these events on your calendar! Please do!