The end of the popular feeding
frenzy at Red Lobster ends on May 6. Better hurry if you want to
participate in this glorious dining spectacle.
Call 1-800-LOBSTER for more information.
Arts Festival Ends
Where else can you find folksy handmade
crap without traveling miles away to beautiful Pigeon Forge? Picturesque
Smoky Mountains scenes painted on saw blades, adorable toilet plunger
cozies, University of Tennessee football accessories, and lawn art
such as badly painted geese on plywood, and cute little wood-carved
country folk bending over revealing their butt cracks.
Annual Nad's Day in Knoxville
Knoxville says hello to spring and goodbye to unwanted body
hair in a spectacle described best in the Book of Revelations. Representatives
from Nad's Hair Removal System® will be
touring the city touting their product's benefits and demonstrating
the proper application procedure and hopefully avoiding the disastrous
results of last year's event.
Everywhere there is hair.
Summitt Women's Golf Tournament
The coach of the Lady Vols basketball team invites all of her
manly lady friends and fans to tee off for charity. There will be
a drawing for a free Nad's Hair Removal System®.
Held at numerous Knox County Schools the
first two weekends in May. Cost: $8 per animal, $15 for two. Special
rates apply to hamsters. Note: Vaccinations are intended for
animals only. Rabid humans should seek medical attention immediately
from a professionally trained physician.
La Vista, Baby" Society Plant Sale
Featuring dwarf conifers in trough gardens. Sounds kinda like
porno but it ain't. Plant sales do not include marijuana, so you
two guys who set up that booth last year, please don't come back.
UT Trial Gardens off Neyland Drive
Parenthood Arts and Crafts Auction
Still in the planning stages. Date, time, and location yet to
City Council Meeting
Witness the antics of the stupidest
people in Knoxville. Thrill at city government in action as speakers
try in vain to be heard over the din of fat white guys carrying
on loud conversations while wheelin' and dealin' and exchanging
envelopes of laundered money in the aisles. You will be amazed at
the stupifying bad decisions being made before your very eyes. Watch
with wonder as usual latecomer Mayor Victor Ashe waddles in, wearing
clothes he slept in all day, and proceeds to read the sports page!
Wednesday evenings at 7:00
p.m., Main Assembly Room, City-County Building
County School Year Ends
The school year
ends at the end of May... for most kids. For some of the stupider
ones, there's always summer school. School's out, so drive carefully...
try to nail the little bastards on the first try.
Annual Office Furniture Parade
May is traditionally celebrated
in Knoxville with a grand parade through downtown ushering in the
newest line of state-of-the-art office furniture. Thrill to the
sights and sounds of 21st century bookcases, credenzas, desks,
conference tables, workstations, filing cabinets and chairs. All
ergonomically approved for your safety and pleasure!
May 12, 1:00 p.m., Gay
Living History Weekend
A recreation of 1863's Siege of Knoxville, not to be confused with
1863's Steve of Knoxville. Events include reenactments, demonstrations,
exhibits, displays, lectures, and hog-callin' contest. This year,
to attract more visitors, live ammunition will be used. Free balloons
and face-painting for the kids. Cost: $7. Group and educational
rates available. Special rates apply to hamsters.
week of May,
Mabry-Hazen House Museum and Taxidermy Shop
these events on your calendar! Please do!