You heard it right...
Toilet Bowling has arrived, and it's about dang time.
This and the following
items are from a Harriet Carter gift catalog that I got in the mail. This catalog
contains hundreds of tasteless and
cheesy items that practically write their own jokes.
This stuff is real.
Let's explore Toilet
Bowling for a moment, shall we?
I don't know about
you, but when I go to the bathroom, I prefer to do
my business quickly and get out. But some guys like to sit amidst
their stench for half an hour or more and leisurely read the sports
section.
Others like to bowl.
For example, take
the guy in the Toilet Bowling illustration above...
he's on his 6th frame of Toilet Bowling while his wife is yelling
at him
outside the bathroom door to get outside and mow the damn yard.
Toilet Bowling would
be great if you just sat down and started bowling,
but, my friends, I don't think it's that simple. With Toilet Bowling,
before you can start, you have to set up the "realistic
wood-look vinyl lane mat"
and the 3 pins. After setup, you can drop your pants and get to
bowlin.'
(If this is an emergency bathroom visit, you might want to skip
the initial
setup until your digestive system has settled down a bit.)
OK, you've got everything
set up and you've just rolled your first ball...
STRIKE! Nice going, Ace! Whoa, watch it! No need for one of those
victory
kicks... you'll make a hellacious mess everywhere. Now, the problem
is that you'll have to get up repeatedly with your pants around
your ankles,
waddle across the floor, retrieve the ball and set the pins back
up.
Not exactly like the bowling alley, is it? Well, not like one
I've ever been to
(I don't know what's going on in your town). You could pay one
of your
kids to be your pin boy and ball return, but I don't think they'll
like it for long.
If this catches
on, it would be very interesting
to see Toilet Bowling as a new Olympic event.
Other Toilet Sports
I'd like to see: Toilet Billiards
Toilet Fishing
Toilet Laser Tag
Toilet Wrestling
Toilet Egg/Water Balloon Toss
Toilet Skeet Shooting
Toilet Javelin Throw
Toilet Ice Sculpture Carving
Toilet Gymnastics
OK, enough
of that.
These are Squirrel
Lamp Toppers. These lifelike figures hook on
to the top of lamp shades and give the impression that your home
is being overrun by adorable rodents. I wonder if they also sell
Rat Lamp Toppers, Raccoon Footrests,
or Cockroach Refrigerator Magnets.
This one just looked
weird to me.
This image looks
strangely familiar to me...
Oh yeah! This is what it reminds me of.
And now, ladies
and gentlemen...
It is my honor to present...
One thing I noticed
as I flipped through the pages of the catalog
was the over-abundance of magnetic products.
Harriet must be sold on the idea that magnets can cure all of
life's ills.
Below are just a few samples...
Fascinating, ain't it?
Let us continue...
I thought that the
two products above looked similar to each other, so I
combined them into one product (below) and added something extra
to
make it more appealing to magnet-conscious buyers.
Finally, I guess
we should end with the perfect complement to Toilet Bowling...
That's right, you
guessed it...
TOILET
GOLF!
Here's an idea for Toilet Golf...
bring your cat's litter box
into the bathroom and use it as a sand trap.
This stuff is real.
UPDATE - DECEMBER
1999
I got a new catalog
in the mail that include these items...
Now, this is just
plain wrong.
And... to add to
your toilet sports collection...
TOILET
FISHING!
The item description
reads "...lets you land a whopper while on the hopper!"
Interpret that however
you want to.
This stuff is real.
See MORE crap
from the Harriet Carter Gift Catalog