Monday, 9/30/02 -
I rewatched my DVD of Castaway this evening. In the Special
Features section, I watched some deleted scenes like this one that
I had missed before...
filmmakers originally shot this scene where Tom Hanks trys to light
a fire using hemp and subsequently hallucinates, but they reconsidered
and reshot the scene. They were concerned about "sending a
negative message to the children."
Hey, I think this is the first time I've ever shown nudity on my
site... AND I LIKE IT!!!
Sunday, 9/29/02 -
I had a much less eventful trip when I went to pick up my daughter
from her stay with her mom... however, I WAS denied access to the
powerhouse of a local TVA dam...
best comedy bits develop when you least suspect it.
coworker and I were just talking last week and the subject of OJ's
lawyer, Johnnie Cochran, came up. We came up with this scenario...
Cochran is addressing the jury (you see it from the court camera's
point of view), and just after he says "If it doesn't fit, you
must acquit," he pauses, puts both hands on the jury box partition,
arches his back and lifts a leg slightly and coins another unforgettable
phrase, "If it comes out hot, it's gonna rot."
Friday, 9/27/02 -
Let me tell you a little story about last night...
two kids are out of school today (some kind of in-service training
or something), so I took my daughter a day early last night to stay
with her mom for the weekend. The ex-wife lives in Lebanon, TN which
is near Nashville. We split the difference and routinely meet halfway
at a gas station/store at an interstate exit in Crossville every
two weeks. So, I took her up there last night, driving through some
light drizzle, nothing much. We met up at 7:00, my daughter leaves
with her mom and I get in my car to leave. Before I start the car,
I get a sudden notion for some refreshments, so I get back out of
the car and go into the store. I get a Coke and some candy. This
is uncommon since I don't usually get candy, but I had a taste for
some at that moment.
got back onto I-40 heading east toward Knoxville and traveled about
10-15 miles until traffic comes to a standstill. There's nowhere
to go, so I sit for about 15 minutes without moving an inch (I mean,
my car isn't moving), as ambulances, fire trucks, tow trucks, cop
cars, and all manner of emergency vehicles whiz by me on the shoulder,
lights glaring and sirens flaring. I can see the commotion just
up ahead around the bend, about 250 yards, but I can't really see
the exact cause. I get out of the car and start talking to a trucker.
He tells me that he's heard that there's a semi on its side straddling
both lanes blocking the road and we might be stuck for several hours.
We got to talking and decide to go take a look.
turned out that a couple of girls in a little red car heading west
(the other way) had lost control on the wet roads (probably driving
too fast), crossed over the grassy median into oncoming traffic
and bounced off two semi trucks, causing them to wreck. We could
see the one truck on its side and the other truck was in the grassy
median with the little red car up against it. The car looks like
it's been chewed up and spit out. We heard from onlookers that the
two girls were miraculously unharmed, but had to be cut out of the
wreckage. Everybody's shaken up, but not injured. Shaken, but not
looked around and saw muddy ruts in the grass... tracks that the
truck had made and judging from the debris on the road, we could
see exactly the point of first impact. We occupied ourselves with
a game of "identify this car part" as we looked at bits and pieces
of the little red car: a spare tire bolt and wing nut, a radiator
hose, a fusebox cover lid, window molding, a plastic fender well,
a quarter panel, etc... it was all over the place.
after 2 hours, we finally got moving again, as they had managed
to slide the overturned truck over a bit and free up room on the
shoulder for us to pass.
point of my (too-long) story is: had I not gone back into the store
for a minute and a half to get snacks, I could have been slightly
further on down the road and missed the accident, or I could had
actually been involved in it. You never know... it's a matter of
if it had been the latter, here's the coincidental/weird part...
the candy I purchased at the store was one I rarely ever buy...
it was a roll of LIFESAVERS.
Thursday, 9/26/02 - Last
Saturday, the University of Tennessee Big Orange Country Orange
Volunteer Vols played the University of Florida in a game of football
here in Knoxville. It was raining like a monsoon during the 2nd
quarter which contributed to Tennessee fumbling and bumbling like
overgrown 12 year-olds, forgetting how to hike the ball, the defense
thinking it was playing touch football, which resulted in a 24-0
score by halftime. But the rain isn't a very good excuse since it
was raining on the other team, too.
was so bad it was laughable, made even more enjoyable knowing all
the Big Orange Country Volunteer Vol fans were pretty mad... especially
those stupid saps getting drenched in the stadium.
fan looks particularly upset...
Wednesday, 9/25/02 - Yesterday,
I offered my Photoshop services to Christopher T. Shields of Dark
Thoughts fame. He sent me some photos and I came up with this...
the long awaited, long overdue X'TINCTION of N'SYNC.
down, four more to go.
Tuesday, 9/24/02 -
Saturday, 9/21/02 - You
know, I have nothing against religion when it's practiced correctly
and with some sense, but sometimes you can't just totally rely on
God for everything... you need the help of your fellow human beings...
namely doctors. This was the case of 15 year old Jessica Crank in
nearby Loudon, Tennessee. This teenage girl died Wednesday after,
for religious reasons, her mother refused her medical attention
for a "basketball-sized" growth on her shoulder caused
by a rare form of bone disease. Her mother believed that praying
to God would cure her. Faith healing. I would think that when it
got to the size of a softball, or even a golfball, it's time for
reality and a trip to the hospital.
when all the prayers didn't remove her sickness, they didn't give
up. Even after she died... they
tried to bring her back. Sad story.
you get a cut on the finger, you put Neosporin and a bandaid on
it. You have a headache, you take a pain reliever. There's no need
to suffer if you don't have to.
a great story to come out nationally. One more strike against Tennessee
and the South. With stories about faith healing, snake handling,
and even legalizing eating roadkill, it reinforces the poor opinion
that the rest of the country already has about us. And the Jerry
Springer Show doesn't help either. All of the degenerates that appear
on that show are usually from the South. I think Springer does it
on purpose to mock and belittle Southerners.
of us rational and intelligent Southerners know better, though.
Come on down and visit... but don't stay too long.
Friday, 9/20/02 - I
hate congested Friday afternoon traffic. In the 1.8 seconds that
I took my eyes off the road to extract something from my nose and
examine it, I almost rammed into the back of an SUV.
Bush was in Knoxville yesterday campaigning for former Tennessee
Governor and Senate hopeful Lamar Alexander...
President George Bush entertains the Knoxville crowd with
a tasteless and totally vicious crucifixion joke.
Football Time in TENNESSEE!!" and this is the crap that we
have to put up with until January. Ladies and gentlemen, I present
to you the VOLXPRS, one of many classy vehicles currently
cruising the Knoxville area highways and biways...
have to give myself a pat on the back for the bottom photo... I
took it while driving with one hand on the steering wheel and the
other hand holding the camera and just haphazardly pointing it in
the general direction of the subject. I've got skillz. Lucky for
you, right? Otherwise, you would never have experienced the splendor
of this moment.
Thursday, 9/19/02 - WARNING:
Two new entries have been added to the E-mail
Wednesday, 9/18/02 - I
was out of town on the anniversary of 9-11 last week and was unable
to make any entries. But, I'd still like to make a comment or two.
watched some of the news coverage of the memorial services that
took place. I especially remember the observance that was held in
the field in Pennsylvania... the site where the airliner crashed
after the courageous passengers foiled the terrorist hijackers'
plan to crash the plane into an intended target in Washington. On
this spot of sacred ground where those unfortunate people died was
featured a headstone-like marker with some nice inspirational words
in memory of the victims.
I was dismayed to see the words "Let's roll" at
the top of the headstone. I think this is stupid to put on a memorial
and I'm sorry if my saying that offends you. I know the significance
of those words as they have been quoted to symbolize the bravery
of the passengers, but I personally thought it was tacky and silly
to put on a monument like this. Historic/grave markers should be
a bit more noble and formal than putting a catch phrase like this
led to some thinking... what if "Let's roll" had
NOT been the famous last words used by passenger Todd Beamer on
September 11? What if he had said "Let's kick some camel
jockey ass." That would look good etched on a marble memorial
and televised worldwide, wouldn't it?
another comment that I'm sure will get me on some s@#t lists...
Todd Beamer's widow seems to be milking it for all it's worth. She's
made several TV appearances and has now written a book. I'm sure
she's suffered emotionally from the loss of her husband, but what
in the world is wrong with keeping your grief and mourning private?
Tuesday, 9/17/02 - I
saw this on the Knoxville News Sentinel's website today...
Carter let it all go. What does that mean, "let it all go?"
What did he do? Throw up Gatorade? Wet his pants... or worse?
sent this strange photo to me today...
Monday, 9/16/02 - HOLY
FUMING SULFURIC ACID, BATMAN!
Knoxville had quite a boo-boo yesterday morning. A train
containing military shipments derailed in west Knox County which
ruptured a container of "fuming sulfuric acid." This resulted
in a giant toxic cloud which forced the evacuation of thousands
of residents of nearby upscale neighborhoods within a 3 to 5-mile
radius of the accident. Pretty serious stuff. Thankfully, no one
area is about 12 miles or so from where I live and fortunately the
winds didn't send the cloud my way. Were you worried about me? I
didn't think so.
the National Enquirer's every move, I created this image so as to
beat them to the punch...
of Satan detected in "fuming sulfuric acid" cloud
caused by a train derailment in Knox County, Tennessee.
evening, I took my daughter and her friend to the Tennessee Valley
Fair in Knoxville. The first sight that I saw upon entering the
fairgrounds was a wrestling match. Now, here in East Tennessee,
"scoggins" (as my friend in Mississippi calls rednecks)
are attracted to wrestling like flies are attracted to... well,
you know what I mean.
went in the Jacob Building where there were a lot of vendors and
judged shows. I saw blue ribbons for best potato, best eggs, best
vegetables, etc. I saw one thing that I couldn't believe... first
place ribbons for best hay. Yes, there had been a hay bale competition.
How can you tell bales of hay apart? I looked around for best roadkill
or best cow pie but didn't see any such things.
up was a freak show that had an 80-year old midget fire eater. Now,
that was a disturbing sight... even more so than the wrestling.
I saw a magic show that started off pretty good with some card tricks.
Then the magician started saying that a magician's tricks are only
illusions, that there is only one person who could perform supernatural
acts. I started getting a feeling of where he was going with this
when, on his next trick, sure enough, he made the queen of diamonds
turn into a different card... one with a picture of Jesus on it.
That immediately resulted in his biggest trick... making half the
audience disappear. Do you think that maybe The Christian Magician
needs to work on his timing? Like maybe saving that trick for the
end of the show?
thing I actually did enjoy was the money pole, where kids try to
climb a 15 foot piece of plastic pole to win $10. That actually
had some excitement to it.
Friday, 9/13/02 - Friday
the 13th is usually considered to be an unlucky day, but not this
time, because... I am back from a voyage to San Francisco. San Francisco,
California, to be exact!
got lots of stories and photos to share. I'll compile them soon
into a travelogue-like page for your enjoyment. But here's a small
tidbit for now... a photo taken the day before yesterday... on the
afternoon of the anniversary of 9-11... just below the Cliff House
and Sutro Bath ruins which is located on the Pacific coast a few
short miles down from the Golden Gate Bridge...
even in a beautiful spot at the ocean, you can't escape current
Saturday, 9/7/02 - I
know I'm late with this news, but it's priceless just the same.
N'Sync singer Lance "Amazing" Bass (see 8/31/02 entry)
has been bumped from his October space flight due to his failure
to come up with the $20 million required by the Russians for his
spot on the mission. The Russians stated that they will be sending
a cargo container in his place. A cargo container. Sweet. You can't
make stuff up better than that.
David Letterman and Conan O'Brien made the same exact joke by saying
that if he HAD gone into space, during his absence his spot in the
singing group would have been replaced by a cargo container as well.
Conan even had a Photoshopped photo of the band, minus Amazing Bass,
with a cargo container (complete with Russian markings) standing
in for him. Music-wise, it could only be an improvement.
today marks the first home game of the Go Big Orange Country Volunteer
Go Vols University of Tennessee football team. Big Orange morons
will be swarming the entire city today. I'm leaving. And I just
saw a TV commercial for Rick
Bowen, who is a Go Big Orange Country Volunteer Go Vols moron
who bastardizes songs, turning them into UT football-themed monstrosities.
Example: "Goodness gracious, great Vols of fire!"
the more reason to escape. The (almost) Daily Comment will be on
hiatus for a week.
you in a bit.
Monday, 9/2/02 - Happy
still debating whether or not to attend Doomsday (a Laborious Day
fireworks celebration) in downtown Knoxville this evening. It's
an annual event consisting of trying to find a parking place within
a 5-mile radius of the riverfront, dealing with large crowds of
sweaty people on foot, watching 10 minutes worth of fireworks and
then turning around and walking back to your car to then sit in
bumper to bumper traffic trying to exit the area. Hey, ho, let's
actual image from the site... used without permission, of course.
couple of days ago, I wrote an entry dealing with abortion. On a
related note, through somethingawful.com,
I found a website
that features memorials to deceased babies and children. The
strange thing is that the memorials seem to be ranked and you can
vote on your favorite dead kid. Why anyone would enter their deceased
child into a competition is beyond me. Seems like the death of a
child would be a little more personal and private than this. This
page is sad and troubling... kind of like a posthumus child talent
show/beauty pageant. Also on the site is a link for a bizarre product
called a "Grieving
Sunday, 9/1/02 - Yes,
you will believe that an 'N Sync will fly. Witness this "stupid
but true" story. An amazing
story from Thursday's cnn.com...
'N Sync star promises to sing in amazing space
'It's going to be amazing'
2002 Posted: 6:49 PM EDT (2249 GMT)
|According to Bass, it's been an amazing week
at amazing NASA with an amazing space amazing crew and an amazing
international mission. "It's going to be amazing," he added,
amazingly. He then did something amazing with his hands.
AMAZING SPACE CENTER,
Houston (AP) -- Amazing 'N Sync star Lance Bass promised Thursday
to sing aboard the amazing international amazing space station when
he visits this amazing fall.
But don't expect any amazing cosmic
concerts or recordings. Bass says it's all for amazing education's
sake. Yeah, right... I'm sure this is no amazing publicity stunt
for CD sales.
The amazing 23-year-old member of the
popular amazing boy band told reporters the amazing point of his
amazing space adventure is to inspire kids to become amazing astronauts,
amazing scientists, or anything else amazing... perhaps even an
amazing grocer-- no matter how difficult or amazingly impossible.
As for his own amazing efforts to learn
amazing rocketry, amazing space station systems, amazing Russian
and amazing NASA lingo, Bass said, "We have been training our amazing
Bass' amazing participation sets a
couple of amazing records: He will be the youngest amazing space
traveler ever and the first amazing participant of amazing space
camp -- which he amazingly flunked in Florida 10 amazing years ago
-- ever to make it to amazing space. He'll be the world's third
amazing space tourist. He will also be the most effiminate man-child
to travel in space as well as the dumbest space traveller since
chimpanzees flew in the early days of the US Space program.
The amazing singer also set an amazing
space program amazing record for the most frequent use of the amazing
word "amazing" -- 2,541 amazing times, by NASA's amazing count.
According to amazing Bass, it's been an amazing amazing week at
amazing NASA with an amazing space crew and an amazing international
mission. "It's going to be amazing," he added.
Amazing Bass said he will be amazingly
nervous when he rockets away from amazing Kazakhstan on Oct. 28.
But he insisted he won't be scared. His Russian crewmates stated,
"He's too damn stupid to be scared."
Bass insisted he has learned all the
necessary amazing emergency procedures and will not be an amazing
hindrance. His amazing commander, Sergei Zalyotin, admitted he was
"a little skeptical" about Bass at first, but now has the opinion
that "that sissy asshole is probably going to kill us all."
Bass said he's confident it will all
work out. His amazing suitcase will hold a new amazing video camera
for the amazing documentary, as well as several amazing compact
discs for his amazing listening pleasure, lots of amazing country
-- amazing Faith Hill and amazing Tim McGraw -- but definitely no
amazing 'N Sync. "I listen to it every amazing day," he said. "I
can live an amazing week without that amazingly crappy crap."
"The amazing education that I'm going
to be doing is more like amazing physics studies on amazing video,
just being able to talk live amazingly with amazing people down
in their amazing schools on the amazing ham radio. Just letting
them know what it's like to experience, let them see what it's like
to be in amazing zero-gravity, to know what it's like to train amazingly
to become an amazing cosmonaut-astronaut."
Amazingly, he's not sure whether he'll
write an amazing song in amazing space or about amazing space once
"Of course, I'll be inspired,"he said.
"No amazing promises. But I'm pretty sure there will definitely
be something in my amazing head."
Copyright 2002 The Amazing
Associated Press . All amazing rights reserved. This amazing
material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.