Monday, 9/30/02 - I rewatched my DVD of Castaway this evening. In the Special Features section, I watched some deleted scenes like this one that I had missed before...

The filmmakers originally shot this scene where Tom Hanks trys to light a fire using hemp and subsequently hallucinates, but they reconsidered and reshot the scene. They were concerned about "sending a negative message to the children."

Note: Hey, I think this is the first time I've ever shown nudity on my site... AND I LIKE IT!!!

Sunday, 9/29/02 - I had a much less eventful trip when I went to pick up my daughter from her stay with her mom... however, I WAS denied access to the powerhouse of a local TVA dam...

The best comedy bits develop when you least suspect it.

A coworker and I were just talking last week and the subject of OJ's lawyer, Johnnie Cochran, came up. We came up with this scenario... Cochran is addressing the jury (you see it from the court camera's point of view), and just after he says "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit," he pauses, puts both hands on the jury box partition, arches his back and lifts a leg slightly and coins another unforgettable phrase, "If it comes out hot, it's gonna rot."

Friday, 9/27/02 - Let me tell you a little story about last night...

My two kids are out of school today (some kind of in-service training or something), so I took my daughter a day early last night to stay with her mom for the weekend. The ex-wife lives in Lebanon, TN which is near Nashville. We split the difference and routinely meet halfway at a gas station/store at an interstate exit in Crossville every two weeks. So, I took her up there last night, driving through some light drizzle, nothing much. We met up at 7:00, my daughter leaves with her mom and I get in my car to leave. Before I start the car, I get a sudden notion for some refreshments, so I get back out of the car and go into the store. I get a Coke and some candy. This is uncommon since I don't usually get candy, but I had a taste for some at that moment.

I got back onto I-40 heading east toward Knoxville and traveled about 10-15 miles until traffic comes to a standstill. There's nowhere to go, so I sit for about 15 minutes without moving an inch (I mean, my car isn't moving), as ambulances, fire trucks, tow trucks, cop cars, and all manner of emergency vehicles whiz by me on the shoulder, lights glaring and sirens flaring. I can see the commotion just up ahead around the bend, about 250 yards, but I can't really see the exact cause. I get out of the car and start talking to a trucker. He tells me that he's heard that there's a semi on its side straddling both lanes blocking the road and we might be stuck for several hours. We got to talking and decide to go take a look.

It turned out that a couple of girls in a little red car heading west (the other way) had lost control on the wet roads (probably driving too fast), crossed over the grassy median into oncoming traffic and bounced off two semi trucks, causing them to wreck. We could see the one truck on its side and the other truck was in the grassy median with the little red car up against it. The car looks like it's been chewed up and spit out. We heard from onlookers that the two girls were miraculously unharmed, but had to be cut out of the wreckage. Everybody's shaken up, but not injured. Shaken, but not stirred.

We looked around and saw muddy ruts in the grass... tracks that the truck had made and judging from the debris on the road, we could see exactly the point of first impact. We occupied ourselves with a game of "identify this car part" as we looked at bits and pieces of the little red car: a spare tire bolt and wing nut, a radiator hose, a fusebox cover lid, window molding, a plastic fender well, a quarter panel, etc... it was all over the place.

Anyway, after 2 hours, we finally got moving again, as they had managed to slide the overturned truck over a bit and free up room on the shoulder for us to pass.

The point of my (too-long) story is: had I not gone back into the store for a minute and a half to get snacks, I could have been slightly further on down the road and missed the accident, or I could had actually been involved in it. You never know... it's a matter of timing.

Now, if it had been the latter, here's the coincidental/weird part... the candy I purchased at the store was one I rarely ever buy... it was a roll of LIFESAVERS.

Go figure.

Thursday, 9/26/02 - Last Saturday, the University of Tennessee Big Orange Country Orange Volunteer Vols played the University of Florida in a game of football here in Knoxville. It was raining like a monsoon during the 2nd quarter which contributed to Tennessee fumbling and bumbling like overgrown 12 year-olds, forgetting how to hike the ball, the defense thinking it was playing touch football, which resulted in a 24-0 score by halftime. But the rain isn't a very good excuse since it was raining on the other team, too.

It was so bad it was laughable, made even more enjoyable knowing all the Big Orange Country Volunteer Vol fans were pretty mad... especially those stupid saps getting drenched in the stadium.

This fan looks particularly upset...

Wednesday, 9/25/02 - Yesterday, I offered my Photoshop services to Christopher T. Shields of Dark Thoughts fame. He sent me some photos and I came up with this... the long awaited, long overdue X'TINCTION of N'SYNC.

One down, four more to go.

Tuesday, 9/24/02 -

Saturday, 9/21/02 - You know, I have nothing against religion when it's practiced correctly and with some sense, but sometimes you can't just totally rely on God for everything... you need the help of your fellow human beings... namely doctors. This was the case of 15 year old Jessica Crank in nearby Loudon, Tennessee. This teenage girl died Wednesday after, for religious reasons, her mother refused her medical attention for a "basketball-sized" growth on her shoulder caused by a rare form of bone disease. Her mother believed that praying to God would cure her. Faith healing. I would think that when it got to the size of a softball, or even a golfball, it's time for reality and a trip to the hospital.

And when all the prayers didn't remove her sickness, they didn't give up. Even after she died... they tried to bring her back. Sad story.

When you get a cut on the finger, you put Neosporin and a bandaid on it. You have a headache, you take a pain reliever. There's no need to suffer if you don't have to.

What a great story to come out nationally. One more strike against Tennessee and the South. With stories about faith healing, snake handling, and even legalizing eating roadkill, it reinforces the poor opinion that the rest of the country already has about us. And the Jerry Springer Show doesn't help either. All of the degenerates that appear on that show are usually from the South. I think Springer does it on purpose to mock and belittle Southerners.

All of us rational and intelligent Southerners know better, though. Come on down and visit... but don't stay too long.

Friday, 9/20/02 - I hate congested Friday afternoon traffic. In the 1.8 seconds that I took my eyes off the road to extract something from my nose and examine it, I almost rammed into the back of an SUV.

Papa Bush was in Knoxville yesterday campaigning for former Tennessee Governor and Senate hopeful Lamar Alexander...

"It's Football Time in TENNESSEE!!" and this is the crap that we have to put up with until January. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the VOLXPRS, one of many classy vehicles currently cruising the Knoxville area highways and biways...

I have to give myself a pat on the back for the bottom photo... I took it while driving with one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand holding the camera and just haphazardly pointing it in the general direction of the subject. I've got skillz. Lucky for you, right? Otherwise, you would never have experienced the splendor of this moment.

Thursday, 9/19/02 - WARNING: Two new entries have been added to the E-mail Extravaganza.

Wednesday, 9/18/02 - I was out of town on the anniversary of 9-11 last week and was unable to make any entries. But, I'd still like to make a comment or two.

I watched some of the news coverage of the memorial services that took place. I especially remember the observance that was held in the field in Pennsylvania... the site where the airliner crashed after the courageous passengers foiled the terrorist hijackers' plan to crash the plane into an intended target in Washington. On this spot of sacred ground where those unfortunate people died was featured a headstone-like marker with some nice inspirational words in memory of the victims.

But... I was dismayed to see the words "Let's roll" at the top of the headstone. I think this is stupid to put on a memorial and I'm sorry if my saying that offends you. I know the significance of those words as they have been quoted to symbolize the bravery of the passengers, but I personally thought it was tacky and silly to put on a monument like this. Historic/grave markers should be a bit more noble and formal than putting a catch phrase like this on them.

This led to some thinking... what if "Let's roll" had NOT been the famous last words used by passenger Todd Beamer on September 11? What if he had said "Let's kick some camel jockey ass." That would look good etched on a marble memorial and televised worldwide, wouldn't it?

And another comment that I'm sure will get me on some s@#t lists... Todd Beamer's widow seems to be milking it for all it's worth. She's made several TV appearances and has now written a book. I'm sure she's suffered emotionally from the loss of her husband, but what in the world is wrong with keeping your grief and mourning private?

Tuesday, 9/17/02 - I saw this on the Knoxville News Sentinel's website today...

Quincy Carter let it all go. What does that mean, "let it all go?" What did he do? Throw up Gatorade? Wet his pants... or worse?

Someone sent this strange photo to me today...

Monday, 9/16/02 - HOLY FUMING SULFURIC ACID, BATMAN!
Knoxville had quite a boo-boo yesterday morning. A train containing military shipments derailed in west Knox County which ruptured a container of "fuming sulfuric acid." This resulted in a giant toxic cloud which forced the evacuation of thousands of residents of nearby upscale neighborhoods within a 3 to 5-mile radius of the accident. Pretty serious stuff. Thankfully, no one was harmed.

This area is about 12 miles or so from where I live and fortunately the winds didn't send the cloud my way. Were you worried about me? I didn't think so.

Anticipating the National Enquirer's every move, I created this image so as to beat them to the punch...

Image of Satan detected in "fuming sulfuric acid" cloud caused by a train derailment in Knox County, Tennessee.

Yesterday evening, I took my daughter and her friend to the Tennessee Valley Fair in Knoxville. The first sight that I saw upon entering the fairgrounds was a wrestling match. Now, here in East Tennessee, "scoggins" (as my friend in Mississippi calls rednecks) are attracted to wrestling like flies are attracted to... well, you know what I mean.

I went in the Jacob Building where there were a lot of vendors and judged shows. I saw blue ribbons for best potato, best eggs, best vegetables, etc. I saw one thing that I couldn't believe... first place ribbons for best hay. Yes, there had been a hay bale competition. How can you tell bales of hay apart? I looked around for best roadkill or best cow pie but didn't see any such things.

Next up was a freak show that had an 80-year old midget fire eater. Now, that was a disturbing sight... even more so than the wrestling.

Then I saw a magic show that started off pretty good with some card tricks. Then the magician started saying that a magician's tricks are only illusions, that there is only one person who could perform supernatural acts. I started getting a feeling of where he was going with this when, on his next trick, sure enough, he made the queen of diamonds turn into a different card... one with a picture of Jesus on it. That immediately resulted in his biggest trick... making half the audience disappear. Do you think that maybe The Christian Magician needs to work on his timing? Like maybe saving that trick for the end of the show?

One thing I actually did enjoy was the money pole, where kids try to climb a 15 foot piece of plastic pole to win $10. That actually had some excitement to it.

Friday, 9/13/02 - Friday the 13th is usually considered to be an unlucky day, but not this time, because... I am back from a voyage to San Francisco. San Francisco, California, to be exact!

I've got lots of stories and photos to share. I'll compile them soon into a travelogue-like page for your enjoyment. But here's a small tidbit for now... a photo taken the day before yesterday... on the afternoon of the anniversary of 9-11... just below the Cliff House and Sutro Bath ruins which is located on the Pacific coast a few short miles down from the Golden Gate Bridge...

Yep, even in a beautiful spot at the ocean, you can't escape current events.

Saturday, 9/7/02 - I know I'm late with this news, but it's priceless just the same. N'Sync singer Lance "Amazing" Bass (see 8/31/02 entry) has been bumped from his October space flight due to his failure to come up with the $20 million required by the Russians for his spot on the mission. The Russians stated that they will be sending a cargo container in his place. A cargo container. Sweet. You can't make stuff up better than that.

Both David Letterman and Conan O'Brien made the same exact joke by saying that if he HAD gone into space, during his absence his spot in the singing group would have been replaced by a cargo container as well. Conan even had a Photoshopped photo of the band, minus Amazing Bass, with a cargo container (complete with Russian markings) standing in for him. Music-wise, it could only be an improvement.

Well, today marks the first home game of the Go Big Orange Country Volunteer Go Vols University of Tennessee football team. Big Orange morons will be swarming the entire city today. I'm leaving. And I just saw a TV commercial for Rick Bowen, who is a Go Big Orange Country Volunteer Go Vols moron who bastardizes songs, turning them into UT football-themed monstrosities. Example: "Goodness gracious, great Vols of fire!"

All the more reason to escape. The (almost) Daily Comment will be on hiatus for a week.

See you in a bit.

Monday, 9/2/02 - Happy Laborious Day!

I'm still debating whether or not to attend Doomsday (a Laborious Day fireworks celebration) in downtown Knoxville this evening. It's an annual event consisting of trying to find a parking place within a 5-mile radius of the riverfront, dealing with large crowds of sweaty people on foot, watching 10 minutes worth of fireworks and then turning around and walking back to your car to then sit in bumper to bumper traffic trying to exit the area. Hey, ho, let's go!

An actual image from the site... used without permission, of course.

A couple of days ago, I wrote an entry dealing with abortion. On a related note, through somethingawful.com, I found a website that features memorials to deceased babies and children. The strange thing is that the memorials seem to be ranked and you can vote on your favorite dead kid. Why anyone would enter their deceased child into a competition is beyond me. Seems like the death of a child would be a little more personal and private than this. This page is sad and troubling... kind of like a posthumus child talent show/beauty pageant. Also on the site is a link for a bizarre product called a "Grieving Bag."

Sunday, 9/1/02 - Yes, you will believe that an 'N Sync will fly. Witness this "stupid but true" story. An amazing story from Thursday's cnn.com...

Amazing 'N Sync star promises to sing in amazing space

Bass: 'It's going to be amazing'

August 29, 2002 Posted: 6:49 PM EDT (2249 GMT)

According to Bass, it's been an amazing week at amazing NASA with an amazing space amazing crew and an amazing international mission. "It's going to be amazing," he added, amazingly. He then did something amazing with his hands.

AMAZING SPACE CENTER, Houston (AP) -- Amazing 'N Sync star Lance Bass promised Thursday to sing aboard the amazing international amazing space station when he visits this amazing fall.

But don't expect any amazing cosmic concerts or recordings. Bass says it's all for amazing education's sake. Yeah, right... I'm sure this is no amazing publicity stunt for CD sales.

The amazing 23-year-old member of the popular amazing boy band told reporters the amazing point of his amazing space adventure is to inspire kids to become amazing astronauts, amazing scientists, or anything else amazing... perhaps even an amazing grocer-- no matter how difficult or amazingly impossible.

As for his own amazing efforts to learn amazing rocketry, amazing space station systems, amazing Russian and amazing NASA lingo, Bass said, "We have been training our amazing butts off."

Bass' amazing participation sets a couple of amazing records: He will be the youngest amazing space traveler ever and the first amazing participant of amazing space camp -- which he amazingly flunked in Florida 10 amazing years ago -- ever to make it to amazing space. He'll be the world's third amazing space tourist. He will also be the most effiminate man-child to travel in space as well as the dumbest space traveller since chimpanzees flew in the early days of the US Space program.

The amazing singer also set an amazing space program amazing record for the most frequent use of the amazing word "amazing" -- 2,541 amazing times, by NASA's amazing count. According to amazing Bass, it's been an amazing amazing week at amazing NASA with an amazing space crew and an amazing international mission. "It's going to be amazing," he added.

Amazing Bass said he will be amazingly nervous when he rockets away from amazing Kazakhstan on Oct. 28. But he insisted he won't be scared. His Russian crewmates stated, "He's too damn stupid to be scared."

Bass insisted he has learned all the necessary amazing emergency procedures and will not be an amazing hindrance. His amazing commander, Sergei Zalyotin, admitted he was "a little skeptical" about Bass at first, but now has the opinion that "that sissy asshole is probably going to kill us all."

Bass said he's confident it will all work out. His amazing suitcase will hold a new amazing video camera for the amazing documentary, as well as several amazing compact discs for his amazing listening pleasure, lots of amazing country -- amazing Faith Hill and amazing Tim McGraw -- but definitely no amazing 'N Sync. "I listen to it every amazing day," he said. "I can live an amazing week without that amazingly crappy crap."

"The amazing education that I'm going to be doing is more like amazing physics studies on amazing video, just being able to talk live amazingly with amazing people down in their amazing schools on the amazing ham radio. Just letting them know what it's like to experience, let them see what it's like to be in amazing zero-gravity, to know what it's like to train amazingly to become an amazing cosmonaut-astronaut."

Amazingly, he's not sure whether he'll write an amazing song in amazing space or about amazing space once he's back.

"Of course, I'll be inspired,"he said. "No amazing promises. But I'm pretty sure there will definitely be something in my amazing head."

Amazing Copyright 2002 The Amazing Associated Press . All amazing rights reserved. This amazing material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Amazing.