Movie Review Time
the past week, I saw some movies at the theater and on video...
Sum of All Fears: I just saw this one tonight. Have you seen
the previews for it?... with the nuclear blast hitting the cars
and helicopter and the missiles hitting the aircraft carrier? If
so, then you've seen the movie. At least, you've seen all of the
special effects. This film was mildly intriguing and at times amusing,
but you would think that when a nuclear bomb is set off by terrorists
in the heart of Baltimore, you'd see a little more than what was
depicted in this movie. Throughout the film, the filmmakers had
a gimmick of showing overhead satellite photos of cities when the
story shifted from one locale to another, yet never showed an aerial
shot of decimated Baltimore. That would have been an effective scene.
A lot of older people were in attendance for this movie for some
reason. I had to endure an old bag with a constant grinding cough
that sounded like when you turn the key in the ignition of your
car when the engine's already running.
Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones: From a graphic artist's
point of view, this movie was great to watch. Lots of cool effects,
great set design and architecture, incredible looking hardware and
vehicles. The action has picked up from the last installment. That
leaves the acting, which was, well... amaterish. One scene in particular
was horrible... with Princess Amadala and Anakin Skywalker shortly
after their first kiss. This romantic scene between the two of them
contained dialogue so bad, and was delivered so bad, it sounded
like high schoolers uttering bad Shakespeare in a school play. Also,
I'm sorry but the scene at the end where Yoda dueled Count Dooku
was laughable. Imagine a chimpanzee bouncing all over the place
with a light saber. Once again like the last movie, the politics
storyline of the saga really bogs the movie down for me.
This was a fairly interesting movie with some plot twists, but...
I left the theater unimpressed as though I had not just seen a movie.
And, judging from my friend's snoring through the middle of
the film (she was obviously not suffering from insomnia), she shared
the same opinion... but to a higher extreme than me.
Hell: See above (but I saw this movie on video at home). The
only interesting thing about this movie was the killer's (Jack the
Ripper's) strange dialation of the eyes while he was engaged in
his hobby. That, and Charlton Heston's cameo role as "Prostitute
Victim #4." "Damn you... damn you all From Hell !!!"
Sky: You know that feeling when you're right between sleeping
and waking? Where you separate dream from reality but are not quite
sure of the difference of fact and fantasy at the moment? The feel
of this movie is a lot like that. I really liked this film. Some
confusing moments in the film, but all is explained at the end.
It's one of those movies you need to watch twice.
women tell no tales.
in the corner of my eye, crusty scabby covered memories... of my
pants of fur.
it be that pants were just so simple then, and didn't show a panty
line? If we had the chance to wear them all again... would we...
the Road - Part Two
that's one heck of a bumper sticker! I'm sorry the driver's son
was "killed" by a tractor trailer, but I'm curious as
to why the word "killed" is in quote marks. Well... was
he killed or not? Or is this word just being used in quote marks
as a teaser or some sort of slang, such as "killing" a
fifth of tequila? Also, are these bumper stickers printed up to
honor other "killed" family members, such as MY 3RD COUSIN
ON MY STEPMOTHER'S SIDE WHO LIVES IN KENTUCKY WAS "KILLED"
BY A TRACTOR TRAILER? That would be a really big bumpersticker.
You might even need a trailer behind your car to display that one.
I just thought of something, maybe the son wasn't killed by a human
driving the truck... no, I'm not implying that it was being driven
by a chimp ... but maybe it came alive by itself like the machines
did in that Stephen King move, Maximum Overdrive. Just a
thought. Or, going back to the chimp statement, maybe the chimp
from BJ and the Bear did get ahold of the steering wheel
and "killed" this person's son. This could be the start
of a Planet of the Apes, eh? The systematic "killing"
of humans by chimps driving semis resulting in a world dominated
by apes? Frightening thought.
the chimp BJ, or was he The Bear? I can't remember.
I think I know what caused the "killing" and why those
darn trucks drive so fast...
the drivers are suffering from overactive bladders. They're driving
like madmen to the next exit ramp because of all that whiskey and
speed they're constantly consuming. They "gotta go, gotta go,
gotta go right now, gotta go, gotta go right now." And if you're
in their way while they're rushing wildly to a restroom ... well,
someone just might get "killed."
experiences a momentary lapse in dressing skills (He's
wearing a t-shirt as pants and shorts around his head).
Let's hope he retains his potty training.
can understand people making mistakes when they're writing or
typing fast... but placing letters on a sign seems to me to
be a slower, more deliberate process with a much less chance
of typos. Jeez.
another one up for Burchfield's.
the Road - Part One
I saw on the way to work one morning last week: A big pickup truck
with bumper stickers all over that read:
by birth, Southern by the grace of god" (with rebel flag art)
"Born and Bred" (with rebel flag art)
by the Grace of God" (with rebel flag art)
some others very similar to those, but one sticker, right in the
middle of all these, I think revealed the most about the driver:
deer, beer, and pickup trucks - who needs women?"
NEEDS WOMEN, that's who!)
An illegal methamphetamine lab, housed in a mobile home, recently
exploded here in Tennessee, killing two people. And I just saw on
the news where our
great state led the South last year in meth labs by an alarming
number (461). Hooray for us! If you're a drug addict, you might
be saying "Tennessee Sounds Good To Me!"
A friendly reminder: Hey everybody,
the Wonderful World of Longmire's message
boards still exist and hardcore fan Bruce (BV) has been posting
his little brains out, all alone, to keep the dream alive. He's
the hardest working man in show business, or at least that's what
he told me. I urge you to please feel free to leave comments on
the boards and make Bruce happy.
Mother's Day, you freaks. I'm treating my mom to her choice
of selections from the sandwich vending machine down at the bus
have their share of life's daily frustrations, too. Take this great
Flash-animated tale, for example...
of the new Star Wars movie coming out next week... I don't know
about you, but it looks kind of stupid to me...
on graphic for larger image.
Go ahead... I'll wait until you've come back to this page.)
I know that graphic is pretty dumb. When I first came up with the
initial idea for it, I thought it was pretty funny. Only when I
was in the process of creating it, I came to the saddening realization
that it was very, very, lame, but I was already too far into it
not to finish it up. Hey, at least it's not a bad Photoshop job...
uh, right? Right? Hello? OK, I'm sorry you had to see it.
What's scarier than Count Dracula?
Count Dracula with a light saber!
Lee as Count Dooku(la) in the upcoming Star Wars Episode II:
Attack of the Cones... I mean, Clones.
happens when you have two lazy teenagers and two open boxes of Corn
Pops cereal in a kitchen cabinet? ANTS, and plenty of them, that's
what happens! And when questioned, I'm told that no one did
it! That's the weird part! Seems that we have burglars that break
in during the day, eat cereal, and leave the boxes open to attract
When you surf through TV channels at a fast clip, you pick up little
snippets of dialogue. I heard the phrase "the work of the devil"
as I was doing this the other day. That got me to wondering about
the work of the devil. Oh, I think we all know what he's up to...
corrupting and collecting souls... but I usually start wondering
about little trivial details. Like, does he have a desk? An electric
pencil sharpener? A secretary? A dayplanner or a file cabinet? Does
the devil play solitaire on his computer when he should be busy
doing the work of the devil? And why does he even bother with his
work when it's been preordained in the Bible that's he's going to
lose in the end? It's like he's gone as far as he can in his field
and there's no hope of a promotion for him.
You know, people are getting more stupid with
each passing minute. I've noticed lately that a new epidemic has
started with people using the word "loose" when they mean "lose."
Have you noticed this too, or am I just loosing my mind?
- I saw Spider-Man on Saturday night. You should see it too. It
was way cool.
East Tennessee comment overheard while waiting in line to grab a
seat in the theater: "It (the movie) better be good... I'm
missing NASCAR for this!"
- Some of the funniest things are those you don't make up...
things out there just waiting for you to discover. I saw this inspiring
sight as I was sitting in the drive-thru line at Hardee's this morning...
for Jesus?" What an odd concept. I wonder... did Jesus
ask for this service? Did the vehicle's owner have a holy vision
one day where Jesus appeared and spoke to him saying, "Thou
shalt lowride for Me, My child."? What's the porpoise,
I mean purpose, for devoting your driving time to lowriding for
the Lord? What's the reward, the payoff?
are the Lowriders, for they shall cruise...stylin' and profilin'...the
streets of Heaven."
phone rang just a few minutes ago. Looking at the "OUT OF AREA"
readout on the caller ID, from experience I knew this was a telemarketer
calling. Indeed, it was someone offering me a VISA Gold Card. Ignoring
the lengthy introductory message from the caller, I readied myself
for a smartass reply...
Mr. Longmire, we'd like to offer you blah, blah, blah, blah, with
a special interest rate of blah, blah, blah, blah...
Can I buy stuff with the card and never pay you guys back?
If you want to, sir.
(serious now, not believing what I just heard): Are you
actually telling me that?
It's up to you, sir, how you use the card.
Is it in the agreement that I don't have to pay back what I charge?
Then I'm not interested.
Sir, might I add that we also...
on the interstate yesterday while driving my daughter to meet her
mother for a weekend visit...
so it was a truck being towed...
My Truck" Contest."
results are in. After reviewing the entries...
Out of the Light
the Color of Money
Marauding Son of a Bitch
Ding-ed a Ling
Brand New Anymore
and Da Bank
runner-up is... Whitey
Morphin' Power Ranger
the winner is...
by:The lovely and talented Brian Hamby
Brian! Even though it's a truck and not actually a wagon, I liked
the sound of it. You've won an official Wonderful World of Longmire®
T-Shirt, and YES, you have to take it! So there you have it. Thanks
to everyone who sent in entries!