The WeatherPixie

Hi, I'm a weather pixie. OK, stop laughing. I SAID, STOP LAUGHING, DAMN YOU. Click here if, for some ridiculous reason, you'd like to know more about the current weather conditions in Knoxville, Tennessee. 



Monday, 3/31/03 -

From an ad for this "precious collectible" in the Parade Magazine in Sunday's newspaper...

Come on, now... give us a @&%#ing break!

Like I've said before... there's a point when patriotism is overdone and becomes stupid.

Friday, 3/28/03 - My front yard is a wreck. Fall leaves and winter rains have left most of it looking like a dried out river bottom. But yet out of this death and destruction, life continues and flourishes...

I can relate to this tulip. I am beautiful, and in spite of the barren landscape of idiots and fools surrounding me, I blossom. My love is alive.

Tuesday, 3/25/03 - Yesterday, I returned from a weekend trip to Dallas, Texas, where I visited Dealey Plaza, the site of the JFK assassination. Click here for details and photos!

Thursday, 3/20/03 - I was reading this article in The Onion yesterday and noticed the similarity between these characters...

"The Hammurderer," a mischievous, homicidal imp who kills McDonaldland characters and takes their sandwiches.

The Ken Jo Markets mascot, a rampaging Indian stereotype used in a logo for local convenience stores in the Knoxville/East TN area.

Of course, "The Hammurderer" is strictly dark humor satire, but the Ken Jo Markets Indian is real and currently in use. I don't know the reasoning behind why a running Indian with a huge knife would be used to represent a convenience store, or how they possibly could get by with using this image in this day and age of political correctness.

Wednesday, 3/19/03 -

A couple of Americans talking...

Date: Tuesday, 3/18/03
To: Christopher Shields (
From: Mark Longmire
Subject: War

Hey brother,

I'm a hypocrite.

Part of me really hates the thought of war and what it will do to the US soldiers and the Iraqi civilians, plus who knows what will happen to US civilians here in retaliation.

Yet another part of me is curious and anxious to see the might of the US military in action.

Weird, huh? Sort of like being horrified at the images of the World Trade Center coming down, but at the same time being in awe of its "morbid splendor." I hope this is a "normal" way to look at things. At least, it's honest.

But, I have to think this: I've heard reports that Saddam Hussein may issue chemical and/ or biological missiles to artillery units to use on US troops. If he does that and they actually fire on our troops with these missiles, this will definitely prove to the doubters that Saddam has been lying all along about the weapons' existence. Then, to me, the war will be justified without question.


Date: Tuesday, 3/18/03
To: Mark Longmire
From: Christopher Shields
Subject: Re:War

You are a thinking person, not a sycophant, which makes you unique among the rest of this nation. Like I said on my forum, don't pray for war, pray for victory. War is inevitable now, I'm 99% sure. I'm in the same boat as you, I understand that the reason why America stands strong is that we talk nice first, and then use our fists, and we have some pretty mighty fists. I know my country is doing something right, because the rest of the world is beating their feet as fast as they can to get here. Now when I start to see people putting together rickety old rafts made out of milk cartons, truck tires, and drift wood and setting out from Florida for Cuba to live there, then I'll know something is wrong.

I've been amazed at how much the WTC / Pentagon didn't really wake us up as a nation. It just sold a bunch of flags and made some country music stars rich. I've said all along that it is going to take a mushroom cloud going off in a major city to really drive home the fact that freedom isn't something we can get out of a vending machine, and that peace can only be obtained by letting others know you won't take any crap off of them.

Again, you have hit it right with the chemicals. IF he uses them (and he's said he doesn't have them / people say he doesn't have them) then Bush will be justified. I'm looking forward to seeing the documentation that we will find that will implicate Russia, France, and Germany in on all that Iraq has done.

Tuesday, 3/18/03 -

Monday, 3/17/03 - Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

As I do every year on this day, I drag out this page, dust it off, and present it again to you.

Even though the much-publicized dog shooting incident in Cookeville, Tennessee happened slightly over two months ago, I just got the idea for the following graphic this weekend as I was pumping gas into my car at a local convenience store. It's a takeoff on an actual decal affixed to many gas pumps in the Knoxville area.

Wednesday, 3/12/03 - The cable channel, TV Land, which runs episodes of old television sitcoms, has jumped on the current Republican ultrapatriotic bandwagon and has announced that they are redubbing the audio to all "Family Affair" episodes. All references to the butler character known as Mr. French, will be changed to... you guessed it... "Mr. Freedom."

The precious cast of Family Affair: (left to right)
Sissy, Buffy (with Mrs. Beasley), Uncle Bill, Mr. Freedom, and Jody

OK, I guess that's enough French-bashing counter-bashing.

Tuesday, 3/11/03 - There's a point when patriotism is overdone and becomes stupid. I read this article today on CNN's web site concerning a couple of Republican congressmen who went to the trouble of having french fries and french toast deleted from the menu of three House cafeterias. Instead, they are to be renamed "freedom" fries and "freedom" toast. Yes, I know all about President Bush and his fellow Republicans' disdain for the French government's disapproval of war with Iraq... but to show protest by changing the name of foods is childish, foolish, and yes... stupid.

Don't these two congressmen have anything better to do? Like pass laws and vote on bills that really matter to people? Were they elected to go to Washington to make sure cafeteria menus reflected their party's view on who they disliked at the moment?

I'm sure the French are truly crushed by this political and social statement. They may never get over it.

Hey, let's don't stop with french toast and french fries...

  • French (salad) dressing = Freedom dressing
  • French curl = Freedom curl
  • French kiss = Freedom kiss
  • French curve = Freedom curve
  • French horn = Freedom horn
  • French Quarter = Freedom Quarter
  • French maid = Freedom maid
  • French poodle = Freedom poodle
  • French manicure = Freedom manicure
  • French bread = Freedom bread
  • French doors = Freedom doors
  • French perfume = Freedom perfume, or Eau De Freedom
  • French onion dip = Freedom onion dip
  • French vanilla ice cream = Freedom vanilla ice cream
  • French whore = Freedom whore
  • French pastry = Freedom pastry
  • French roast coffee = Freedom roast coffee
  • French braid = Freedom braid

And, since Russia and Germany are also against the war with Iraq, let's change some more stuff...

  • Russian roulette = Freedom roulette
  • Russian tea = Freedom tea
  • Russian ballet = Freedom ballet
  • Hamburger = Freedomer, or Freedom sandwich
  • Frankfurter = Freedomer 2, or Freedom tube meat sandwich
  • German measles = Freedom measles
  • German shepherd = Freedom shepherd
  • German chocolate cake = Freedom chocolate cake

Don't get me wrong... I'm not anti-American or pro-French, and I'm not even totally against the war. I can see both sides of the war argument, so like it or not, I'm still riding the fence on this issue. But... if you value the principles of "freedom," and then use the word in such a ridiculous way, you cheapen the true meaning of the word.


Monday, 3/10/03 - Sometimes I make a funny picture but I've got no real, solid joke to go along with it. Here's a couple of images I Photoshopped today. They may not make any sense, but I think they're just strange enough for a laugh or two.


Sunday, 3/9/03 - Happy Birthday to Miss Ashley Longmire, who turns 15 today.

Friday, 3/7/03 - I was reading about The Great White Tragedy on The Onion yesterday, and laughed out loud when I saw the comment below...


Check out the new live webcam image in the left column. I like to call it my "terrorist-kingpin-cam."

Wednesday, 3/5/03 - Inspired by the poem recited by actor James Garner in the Chevy Tahoe television ads...

"There's a place I travel when I want to roam, and nobody knows it but me.

I prefer not to dance 'cause I've got a load in my pants, and nobody knows it but me.

If those kids make a racket, I have a gun in my jacket, and nobody knows it but me.

You're far, far away and way, way afar, but I've got a telescope aimed at your house...

...and I can see when you undo your blouse.

And nobody knows it but me."

Man, I love poem writin'.

I was driving home from work today and noticed some of those water barrel buffers at the beginning of a concrete barrier dividing the lanes in the median of the highway. I started wondering... is the water in those barrels drinkable? And if so, what would it taste like? Would it be carbonated or sparkling water... perhaps in a refreshing fruit flavor?

Further on down the road a bit, I saw a strange site. As I passed by a convenience store, I saw a car on fire. Not just a smoldering type fire, but the hood was up and there was an immense, raging fire in the engine compartment. It was quite a site to see, and of course I didn't have my camera with me. The owner of the car was walking towards it and actually entering the car, I guess to retrieve something inside (his air freshener?)... I don't think he would be trying to restart it. I'm no car fire expert, but logic tells me that if your car is on fire like this, you walk AWAY from it.

Speaking of cars in distress, this past weekend I did have my camera with me this time and took this photo (which really doesn't do the subject justice... you had to see it in person)...

Time to buy a new car, don't ya think?... or at least a new passenger side window? I mean, if the owner can't afford a new window, I can sympathize, but... well, in the meantime he's forking out a fortune in duct tape.

Saturday, 3/1/03 - I don't know what I ever saw in Phil Collins.


©2003, Mark Longmire, The Wonderful World of Longmire