There's a new one every Wednesday!

Buy something... cheapskate!

Wednesday, 7/31/02 - Today is the 31st Anniversary of the release of the film The Omega Man.
Back in 1971, when I was a kid of eleven years old, my folks took my brother
and I to see The Omega Man, starring super-stud Charlton Heston. We got to the theater early and had to wait a bit for the preceding showing to end. Well, my big brother couldn't wait and ventured into the theater for a few minutes, came back out and proudly proclaimed "CHARLTON HESTON DIES AT THE END!"

You can imagine how thrilled we were to hear this spoiler. My dad was especially proud of his oldest son for this unselfish act of kindness. I can't remember if he was beaten for this or not.

Since then, it has been remained a running gag with my brother and me whenever we discuss movies we've seen. Whichever one asks the other how a movie is, we give our review and always conclude it with "Charlton Heston dies at the end." Of course, this also applies to movies that Heston isn't even in. At least we're in on the joke... sometimes I "reveal" that ending to other people and really baffle them.

So, Happy Anniversary, you Omega Man, you!

Here are some links to a couple of clever reviews of the movie, some sound files, plus a really crappy fan site (I don't understand the bubble background)...

Monday, 7/29/02 - Well, my condom warmer is busted. The thermostat malfunctioned, resulting in the coil overheating and melting the relay. At least that's what the service technician told me. He said that I probably stripped the turbo motor, too. It's a total loss, not to mention that it ruined about nine perfectly good condoms... and ruined my weekend as well.

While we're on the subject, check out my latest business venture.

I saw Austin Powers in Goldmember on Saturday. Very funny... definitely worth a matinee viewing. Lots of visual gags involving urination, male genitalia, childbirth, farting, moles... but mostly urination. It has a odd ending... in one way like it's brought all the characters together in harmony for a nice, happy end to the trilogy of films, but then again it leaves us with a teaser for possibly one more.

In case you were wondering...


And, here's another Burchfield's pic... a double whammy for today...

Saturday, 7/27/02 - I'm OK.
I know I haven't posted anything for a while, but don't worry... I'm doing fine and being treated well...

Friday, 7/19/02 - So, the Crocodile Hunter has a movie out. That's just great. What is with these loud Australians? Remember Jocko? Another loud Australian from 10 years ago who was featured in TV ads for batteries. Paul Hogan (Crocodile Dundee) is OK... he's not loud. The only time the Crocodile Hunter speaks in a normal volume is when he's sneaking up on some innocent crocodile, just before he jumps on it to wrestle it and load it onto a truck to move it somewhere. Sometimes he just attacks the animals for no reason really, just to look at them. How would you like it if he tackled you and held you down while showing all your features and orifices to a TV audience?

I have nothing against Australians (I have a few readers there)... just the loud ones. I don't like loud Americans either, for that matter. I just wish the Crocodile Hunter would go away... and leave the animals alone.

Wednesday, 7/17/02 - Suzy J. showed me a funeral home advertisement from today's newspaper. The photo used was rather odd-looking and didn't make much sense. It showed a guy holding an object that we couldn't identify... so we added our own twist to it. Check it out.

Friday, 7/12/02 - It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

Thursday, 7/11/02 -

"We are the goon squad and we're coming to town. Beep, beep!"

I found this photo as I was doing a Google image search for Mortimer Snerd (don't ask). I really, really, really, hope... oh, how I hope... that's a doggie chew toy on a blanket.

Wednesday, 7/10/02 - Life imitates art...
Do you recall the Saturday Night Live skit, Janet Reno's Dance Party? Well, it seems that now she's having one for real!

"Dance for me, you little toad."

Monday, 7/8/02 - Now, this is quite unusual for someone who's done his damnedest to not be black.

Sunday, 7/7/02 - Rediscovered while cleaning out a junk drawer...
I got in some hot water a few years back by sending in this entry to an Hispanic quiz...

Hispanic Quiz

1. What does Mexico City have in common with Los Angeles, California?
Both cities are filled with Mexicans.

2. What's the name of Mexico's fourth largest city?
Ciudad de la Hooterville.

3. Where is Mexico's largest flea market located?
In the parking lot of the old abandoned A&P.

4. In Madrid, the "Cathedral" of bull fighting is called?
Divorce Court.

5. In Spanish, how would you say, "Thank you very much"?
"Thanko youse muy mas mucho, conquistador."

6. In 1848, the Mexican-American War was concluded. In what city did they sign the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo?
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.

7. What does "No Entiendo" mean?
"The video arcade is closed."

8. What is Spain's largest wine growing area called?
Hacienda De Los Thirsty Winos.

9. This is the Spanish equivalent of the English Musical Comedies.
The Macarena.

10. What city has the dubious distinction of being named the candy capital of Mexico?
El Ciudad del Gummy Bear.

Friday, 7/5/02 - You know, the news media is really irritating. Yesterday afternoon, I turned CNN on and heard the unfortunate news about the shootings at the Los Angeles airport. Now, if this incident had happened before 9/11, the reporting on it would have been "normal." Now we live in a world where if anything happens, our first thought is of terrorism until we are told different. But CNN, those idiots... they keep on and on trying their best to insinuate that it's a terrorist act. They reported on this event for HOURS and I truly believe that they were hoping and praying with all their hearts that it was terrorism-related. I bet they even had a graphic artist make up a catchy graphic (like "Terror in California") to have on hand in case it turned out that way.

Thursday, 7/4/02 - Happy Independence Day! Take a trip down memory lane and enjoy these two entries from a couple of years ago.

I wish everyday was a holiday. You'd be off from work and the mail wouldn't run to deliver your bills. Problem solved! Wait a minute... if you didn't go to work, you'd have no income...

Damn... there goes that idea.

I'm going to take it easy today. No fireworks purchases this year. I already had enough excitement earlier this week at work when I dropped an unopened coke can and it exploded upon hitting the floor. I was covered from head to toe in cola... it even sprayed so high it hit the ceiling. For the sake of my clothes, it was a good thing I was naked at the time.

Wednesday, 7/3/02 - This guy sure does like the PowerPuff Girls.

Monday, 7/1/02 - The screwheads in Nashville couldn't come together to agree on a budget by the deadline of midnight last night, so the state government of Tennessee is now partially shut down. I've been hearing news of "skeleton crews" working some departments. I hope I don't see any of those because skeletons are scary.

The main problem seems to be lack of revenue and we're facing a possible state income tax as a fix. We don't have a state lottery, but the lawmakers seem to always shoot that idea down as a source of revenue. They want to take our money via income tax, but don't want to give us a chance to receive any. They're concerned that poor people are going to spend all their money on the lottery rather than "feed their babies." Hey, people are going to waste their money on anything, be it whiskey, fireworks, or NASCAR crap. Might as well spend it on a chance to hit the big time. Plus, their money would go toward education. The lawmakers don't realize that Tennesseans are already spending their money on the lottery anyway... driving to Kentucky or Georgia to do so.

The Tennessee Department of Transportation has just about all of the roads torn up. They start road projects here and there and then abandon them for months or years, leaving us with roads with uneven pavement, zigzagging road lines, and orange barrels everywhere. A really great impression to out-of-state travelers who come through here. And, rather than finishing what they start, they seem to be always repaving roads that are already in good condition and constantly dreaming up new road nightmares. Clearly, this is a state agency that is out of control.

The state is low on money, but yet seems to have more than plenty for the roads. It's pretty obvious the state's money has been mismanaged, and now they want an income tax so that they can waste more.

Pray for us.