The WeatherPixie

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Thursday, 1/29/04 - Presidential candidate Wesley Clark (ooh, sorry... he now calls himself Wes Clark) started out running TV ads with an announcer doing a voice over followed by a tag at the end with Clark's own voice saying "I'm Wes Clark and I approve this message." Now, here's the weird part... new commercials feature only Clark himself speaking on the Iraq issue, but he still says "I'm Wes Clark and I approve this message." I can understand the vocal endorsement after words spoken by an announcer, who is another human being... but do you have to certify a message coming out of your own mouth?

Monday, 1/26/04 - Oh, what will the Average Joes do?

I started watching NBC's Average Joe: Hawaii by accident a couple of weeks ago and have become intrigued by it (translation: I got sucked into watching a stupid "reality" show). The basic plot of the show is to see if a beautiful woman can fall in love with an "average" guy based on his personality and not his looks or physique. She has a harem of dorks to choose from that are competing for her affections, and boy are they a choice group. I can't figure out why they would want to humiliate themselves on network TV. AnyHOO, things were going OK with the competition until the show's producers threw a wrench in the works by importing some manly man studs that are much more to the liking of the woman.

They arrived on a yacht, barechested all the way They were shown either standing shoulder to shoulder on the bridge or shoulder to shoulder reclining in a seating area sunning themselves... two things that REAL guys never do...

There were several taunts and boasts by the manly man studs as to how they were going to destroy the Average Joes' chances with the girl once they reached the island.

One manly man stud in particular lifted his shirt and said that the Joes were "going to have to deal with this..."

Wow. The next thrilling episode is on tonight.

Tuesday, 1/20/04 - IT'S LOTTERY TIME IN TENNESSEE!!!

i got a strange result after scratching off the lottery ticket I bought today, the first day of the long awaited Tennessee state lottery...

And for your information, the yard gnome has been painted and is now comin' at ya in 3D...

Uh oh... looks like somebody had a little "oopsy."

Wednesday, 1/7/04 -

This just in: EA Games has announced that they're releasing a new version of Medal of Honor.

Tuesday, 1/6/04 - Using part of a gift certificate to a garden shop, yesterday, for the first time ever, I became the proud new owner of a yard gnome.

I think I got the stupidest-looking one they had.


I'm going to paint this little lunatic up real good. A little patch on his shirt says his name is Andre (although he looks like Ernest Borgnine). I think we can do better than this name. Anybody have any good ideas for a name? Anybody know how to paint/simulate drool?

To be continued...

Monday, 1/5/04 - Meanwhile, on Mars...

Friday, 1/2/04 - I was doing a "glory search" on my web site the other day on Google and found this link concerning those romance novel covers I spoofed a few months ago.

From the "not very nice or funny, but here it is anyway" files...

Get it? You see, there was this really bad earthquake in a place called Bam, Iran... and that chef guy Emeril just happens to use the phrase "BAM!" when he adds a special ingredient to... so, get it now?

Happy New Year.

Thursday, 1/01/04, 12:04 a.m. -

Happy New Year and Thanks in Advance.

I was getting the new year off to a good start this morning by straightening up my bedroom, and I came across a stack of papers I had printed out that contained this little e-mail gem from New Year's of 3 years ago. What a coinky-dink. I don't think it's been published yet...

Sent: Tue 1/2/2001 10:04 AM
From: Longmire, Mark
To: Hamby, Brian
Subject: HNY

Mark: Happy New Year, Star Child. I'm going to call you Star Child all year.

Get used to it.


Brian: Happy New Year, Moose Mucus. I'm going to call you Moose Mucus all year.


Mark: Hey, come on... how about something 2001-related? How about "The Monolith?"


Brian: Okay, how about "Pod?" As in "Open the f**king Pod Bay doors Hal, you Windows 2000 piece of crap!!"

Did you watch it New Year's night? I think they've found the answer to what the monolith and that goofy baby sequence at the end now means. It means don't shoot heroin and direct a freaking movie at the same time.


Mark: I was going to watch it yesterday but didn't get around to it. I didn't watch any TV at all. I even missed the New Year countdown. I was watching the clock but was playing a videogame until I looked and it was a few seconds after midnight. I turned the channel and saw the celebrating, though.

I finally read Sunday's paper and saw an article about Arthur C. Clarke. Some guys are going to take a few strands of his hair and blast his DNA into space aboard a rocket. Hell, I shoot my DNA into space every Thursday night, right after ER.

"Pod" is a great name, but I think I like "The Monolith" better. Maybe the apes around here will touch me and finally evolve.


Brian: If ER does it for you we need to set the bar higher. I missed not having a video game for the long weekend but I needed the rest. It's hell getting back into work mode. And that damn pissy ass snow we had yesterday didn't get us out of work at all.

Okay, we'll try "The Monolith," but if you start walking around making those weird ass choir sounds then you get a fine, then a warning, and ultimately a suspension and will renamed Pod. Fair enough?


Mark: That's fine.

You forgot... as "Star Child," you can be naked all the time, sucking your thumb. So, actually, you're getting the best deal of all.


Brian: I'm tired of being Star Child already. I want to be something else. Can I be "Frederick of Hollywood" from now on?


Mark: Damn, you're a big baby since you got that 27" TV for Christmas.

Star Child it is and Star Child it shall remain.

- The Monolith


Brian: You Monoliths are nothing but control freaks. Always got to be floating around getting in the way of the plot.


Mark: We just want to be loved.



©2004, Mark Longmire, The Wonderful World of Longmire