The WeatherPixie

Hi, I'm a weather pixie. OK, stop laughing. I SAID, STOP LAUGHING, DAMN YOU. Click here if, for some ridiculous reason, you'd like to know more about the current weather conditions in Knoxville, Tennessee. 



Friday, 2/6/04 - Oh, this is just great...

Knox woman files suit over halftime show-induced 'injury'

A Knoxville woman filed a proposed class action lawsuit Wednesday against Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, MTV, CBS and Viacom, contending she and other viewers were injured by their lewd actions during the Super Bowl halftime show.

The lawsuit claims the broadcast companies and the two singers violated an "implied" contract with viewers not to subject them to allegedly lewd material.

(The) lawsuit seeks compensatory and punitive damages worth billions.

Had to be... just HAD to be... from Knoxville.

Shame on her, and shame on her lawyer for filing that ridiculous lawsuit... and embarassing us here.

Personally, I'd like to sue David Caruso of CSI: Miami for being a bad actor. By airing this show that I as a viewer, view, CBS breeched an "implied" contract with me, a viewer, that the lead actors on their series actually have talent.

While we're at it, I think I'll sue Danny Devito for no reason whatsoever... but let Charles Nelson Reilly off with a warning.


Wednesday, 2/4/04 - Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor!

I'm a little late in discovering this Quicktime video, and maybe you've already seen it, but check out "Hey Ya, Charlie Brown!" It's a clever idea and very well done. (That Snoopy plays a mean axe, man.) Better hurry, I can't guarantee the video will be there by the time you read this... the Peanuts lawyers are making everyone who's hosting the video take it off their sites for copyright reasons.

Also, check this Flash piece out concerning the state of the world's nuclear missile situation and prediction for The End of the World.

While you're at it, here's another video. The subject is characters' mannerisms compiled from seasons of TV's Law and Order. Sounds stupid, but it's pretty humorous.

Websites you'll be sorry you visited (the only halfway funny thing about these two sites is their titles... after that, it's all downhill):

And FINALLY, in honor of Black History Month...

Black People Love Us!

Tuesday, 2/3/04 - I found a 3 year-old post of mine from a message board that I use to frequent. The topic was "New Year's Goals"...

  • Legally change my name to "The Magnificent Captain"
  • Try to remember that most people would rather not see polaroids of me naked when they first meet me.
  • Learn how to make a tastier gravy.
  • Stop kicking the cat up into the ceiling fan.
  • Return my neighbor's Baby Jesus figure to its nativity scene.
  • Erase beard from Baby Jesus figure before returning it.
  • The neighborhood pool is not the place to do my laundry.
  • Stop drinking directly out of the milk, soda, orange juice, and baking soda containers in the refrigerator.
  • Stop using the term "be-otch" when talking to police and other authority figures.
  • Skip daily dosage of Viagra on Thursdays when I hang around playgrounds.
  • Throw the Thanksgiving turkey out.
  • Be kinder and more sensitive to retards.
  • Try to lose weight so that I can slip back into that size 7 teddy.
  • Have that rash seen about... by a medical professional this time.

Another one of my postings was under the topic "Would you ever live in a webcam house?" (living in a house with roommates while being constantly filmed live on the internet)...

Of course, I would consider living in a webcam house... if:

  1. My fellow housemates didn't mind scheduled truck deliveries to the house to accommodate my daily diet of whale meat.
  2. I could set up a laboratory in my room to continue my research on the effects of weightlessness on troubled teens.
  3. There would be an agreement that no one could enter my room without my permission. But, I don't think we'd have a problem with that (see # 2).
  4. I tend to shed a lot... housemates hopefully could overlook accumulations of dead skin and hair on the furniture, drapes, ceiling fans, kitchen counters, and themselves.
  5. All the housemates must address me as "Absorbine Jr."
  6. I get first dibs on the Kit Kat bars.
  7. I could display my collection of medieval battle axes in a prominent area of the house.
  8. No one messes with my toiletries or hair grooming products. And also leave my penis pump alone... I've got the settings just right and the instrumentation is delicate and complicated to reconfigure.
  9. I'm extremely popular with the ladies. I usually bring home one or two strange ones every night. Sometimes noise and subsequent visits by law enforcement authorities may pose a nuisance to the other housemates. They would have to be tolerant of this.
  10. What I say, goes... without question.

Monday, 2/2/04 - Oh, what a strange evening it was last night...

You put your right boob in, you put your right boob out. Put your right boob in and you shake it all about...
...You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about!

No, my first name ain't baby. It's Janet. Miss Jackson if you're nasty.

Uh... right.

After the Stupor Bowl was over, the first episode of Survivor: All Stars aired. I took wicked delight in seeing Knoxville resident Tina Wesson be the first one voted off the show. Ha ha ha. Now the local press here can't follow her continuing adventures. This article appeared in the Knoxville paper this morning. (Note: I don't normally ever use such harsh language on the site, but it just seemed to fit this time...)

In other news... I found this really cool animation showing the Mars rover's fantabulous journey to the red planet. Quite an amazing achievement, actually.


©2004, Mark Longmire, The Wonderful World of Longmire