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Hi,
I'm a weather pixie. OK, stop laughing. I SAID, STOP LAUGHING, DAMN YOU.
Click here
if, for some ridiculous reason, you'd like to know more about the current
weather conditions in Knoxville, Tennessee.
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Friday, 2/6/04 -
Oh,
this is just great...
Knox
woman files suit over halftime show-induced 'injury'
A Knoxville
woman filed a proposed class action lawsuit Wednesday against
Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, MTV, CBS and Viacom, contending
she and other viewers were injured by their lewd actions during
the Super Bowl halftime show.
The lawsuit
claims the broadcast companies and the two singers violated
an "implied" contract with viewers not to subject them to
allegedly lewd material.
(The)
lawsuit seeks compensatory and punitive damages worth billions.
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Had to be...
just HAD to be... from Knoxville.
Shame on
her, and shame on her lawyer for filing that ridiculous lawsuit... and
embarassing us here.
Personally,
I'd like to sue David Caruso of CSI: Miami for being
a bad actor. By airing this show that I as a viewer, view, CBS breeched
an "implied" contract with me, a viewer, that the lead actors on their
series actually have talent.
While we're
at it, I think I'll sue Danny Devito for no reason whatsoever... but let
Charles Nelson Reilly off with a warning.

Wednesday, 2/4/04 -
Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor!
I'm a little
late in discovering this Quicktime video, and maybe you've already seen
it, but check out "Hey
Ya, Charlie Brown!" It's a clever idea and very well done. (That
Snoopy plays a mean axe, man.) Better hurry, I can't guarantee
the video will be there by the time you read this... the Peanuts lawyers
are making everyone who's hosting the video take it off their sites for
copyright reasons.
Also, check
this
Flash piece out concerning the state of the world's nuclear missile
situation and prediction for The End of the World.
While you're
at it, here's
another video. The subject is characters' mannerisms compiled from
seasons of TV's Law and Order. Sounds stupid, but it's pretty humorous.
Websites
you'll be sorry you visited (the only halfway funny thing
about these two sites is their titles... after that, it's all downhill):
And FINALLY,
in honor of Black History Month...
Black
People Love Us!

Tuesday, 2/3/04 -
I
found a 3 year-old post of mine from a message board that I use to frequent.
The topic was "New Year's Goals"...
- Legally
change my name to "The Magnificent Captain"
- Try
to remember that most people would rather not see polaroids
of me naked when they first meet me.
- Learn
how to make a tastier gravy.
- Stop
kicking the cat up into the ceiling fan.
- Return
my neighbor's Baby Jesus figure to its nativity scene.
- Erase
beard from Baby Jesus figure before returning it.
- The
neighborhood pool is not the place to do my laundry.
- Stop
drinking directly out of the milk, soda, orange juice, and
baking soda containers in the refrigerator.
- Stop
using the term "be-otch" when talking to police and other
authority figures.
- Skip
daily dosage of Viagra on Thursdays when I hang around playgrounds.
- Throw
the Thanksgiving turkey out.
- Be
kinder and more sensitive to retards.
- Try
to lose weight so that I can slip back into that size 7
teddy.
- Have
that rash seen about... by a medical professional this time.
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Another one
of my postings was under the topic "Would you ever live in a webcam
house?" (living in a house with roommates while
being constantly filmed live on the internet)...
Of course,
I would consider living in a webcam house... if:
- My
fellow housemates didn't mind scheduled truck deliveries
to the house to accommodate my daily diet of whale meat.
- I could
set up a laboratory in my room to continue my research on
the effects of weightlessness on troubled teens.
- There
would be an agreement that no one could enter my room without
my permission. But, I don't think we'd have a problem with
that (see # 2).
- I tend
to shed a lot... housemates hopefully could overlook accumulations
of dead skin and hair on the furniture, drapes, ceiling
fans, kitchen counters, and themselves.
- All
the housemates must address me as "Absorbine Jr."
- I get
first dibs on the Kit Kat bars.
- I could
display my collection of medieval battle axes in a prominent
area of the house.
- No
one messes with my toiletries or hair grooming products.
And also leave my penis pump alone... I've got the settings
just right and the instrumentation is delicate and complicated
to reconfigure.
- I'm
extremely popular with the ladies. I usually bring home
one or two strange ones every night. Sometimes noise and
subsequent visits by law enforcement authorities may pose
a nuisance to the other housemates. They would have to be
tolerant of this.
- What
I say, goes... without question.
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Monday, 2/2/04 -
Oh,
what a strange evening it was last night...
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You
put your right boob in, you put your right boob out. Put your right
boob in and you shake it all about... |
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...You
do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around. That's what it's
all about! |
No,
my first name ain't baby. It's Janet. Miss Jackson if you're nasty.
Uh... right.
After the
Stupor Bowl was over, the first episode of Survivor:
All Stars aired. I took wicked delight in seeing Knoxville resident
Tina Wesson be the first one voted off the show. Ha ha ha. Now the local
press here can't follow her continuing adventures. This
article appeared in the Knoxville paper this morning. (Note:
I don't normally ever use such harsh language on the site, but it just
seemed to fit this time...)

In other
news... I found this really
cool animation showing the Mars rover's fantabulous journey to the
red planet. Quite an amazing achievement, actually.


©2004,
Mark Longmire, The Wonderful World of Longmire
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