- Somebody's monkeying with the thermostat outside here in East
Tennessee. After a great weekend and Monday, it was bone chilling
today. Bone chilling! BONE CHILLING, I TELL YOU!
DID YOU HEAR ME? I SAID IT WAS BONE CHILLING!!!
posted this today (edited slightly from the original)
in the special Dale Earnhardt section of The
Wonderful World of Longmire Message Boards...
the local newspaper two Sundays ago, to commemorate the 1-year anniversary
of the death of Dale Earnhardt, several Knoxville citizens were
interviewed on how they've been coping with the loss of their god
during the past year. Ê
said things like "Racin' just ain't been the same since he died.
It just ain't there no more. I went to watch Dale race." Ê
was alarmed that a lot of Dale fans had so much "Intimidator" memorabilia
that they devoted entire rooms in their home just to house and display
it. They referred to them as "Earnhardt Rooms." Ê
most American houses have rooms that have, over the years, have
been given standard names such as: living room, dining room, bedroom,
bathroom, den, kitchen, and in some cases names such as rec room,
great room, sun room, music room, game room, etc. Ê
we going to see Earnhardt rooms in the houses of the future? Are
American home builders going to try to market this idea until it
becomes a standard room like the list mentioned above? Is this what
Mankind has come to? The thought is frightening. Ê
I don't want an Earnhardt room. Please, America, don't make me have
geniuses at Birchfield's are at it again. Witness yesterday's sign...
would have asked them what that was... but I was too scared of what
the answer might have been.
An elderly friend later told me that this is an old joke... a Honeymooner
Sandwich is "lettuce alone." Cute.)
- As you have heard by now, American journalist Daniel Pearl
was savagely murdered and his body mutilated by his Pakistani kidnappers.
It's frightening to know that in the year 2002, with all our technological
achievements, we still live in a world with barbarians that cut
off people's heads.
adopted a 5-word pledge that I'm going to follow for the rest of
leave the United States."
- The other night I watched MTV's The Real World. Yes, I admit it...
I watch it from time to time. Well, this show featured a male housemate's
gay date. In my younger years, I used to be very anti-gay. But as
time went on, I mellowed out and figured out that I had no problem
with them. But still... even in this year of 2002 in "the new
millennium," I can't get used to seeing two men kiss on TV
and send each other flowers after their date. Being a straight guy,
I think it's pretty damn silly and have to laugh.
also can't get used to seeing Waffle House waitresses breastfeeding
- Wow... did anyone watch The Glutton Bowl on Fox last night? Several
"athletes" competed for $25,000 by eating huge quantites
of food such as boiled eggs, hot dogs, hamburgers, butter, sushi,
mayonnaise, as well as bizarre items such as cow tongues, cow brains,
and "rocky mountain oysters." This would be a great dieting
idea... tape this show and replay it whenever you get that urge
for chocolate cake. It's bound to curb your appetite. And these
competetion eaters are quite serious about their "sport"
as evident by this
of athletes, good Lord, are you as tired of these Winter Olympics
on TV as I am? I've never liked to watch the winter games because
they remind me that... well, that it's winter outside. Instead,
show me the Bikini Olympics hosted in Hawaii, my friends.
factoid was featured on my employer's daily news e-mail yesterday:
* DID YOU KNOW: In working toward his
goal of reaching the soul and heart of man, Frederic Chopin (1810-1849)
produced an enormous body of music, including 55 mazurkas, 13 polonaises,
24 preludes, 27 etudes, 19 nocturnes, 4 ballads, and 4 scherzos.
The best I've ever done toward my goal of reaching the soul
and heart of man is: 57 indecencies, 22 double entendres, 19 near
misses, 34 indifferences, 28 hissy-fits, 43 anticlimaxes, 21 price
gouges, and 16 brownie points.
friend Susan saw it this way...
* DID YOU KNOW: In working toward his
goal of reaching the soul and heart of man through his stomach,
Frederic Choppin' (1810-1849) produced an enormous body of cooking,
including 55 manicottis, 13 mayonnaises, 24 pralines, 27 eclairs,
19 egg nogs, 4 breads, and 4 smorgasbords.
month, I had this e-mail exchange with a coworker...
Brian: When you want to go see 'Blackhawk
you want to do a Saturday afternoon movie?
Brian: Yeah, sounds good. Hopefully
some of the crowd will have cleared by then.
Mark: Let's take some guns and shoot
at the screen.
Brian: I always like shouting "Allah
is great!" when I do any shooting and I have a feeling we
might not to get to finish seeing the movie, so let's save
that for the next Easter egg hunt.
Mark: Can't we just yell out "Blackhawk
Brian: Yeah, and always with a mouthful
Mark: Maybe we could throw our fellow
audience members a curve every now and then and yell out "Grey
Brian: And also every now and then
a "Robert Downey Jr. Down!" Okay, maybe not.
Mark: "Hugh Downs!"
Brian: Mine was better.
Mark: "Downy Soft!"
Brian: That was much better.
Mark: Thank you, Downmaster.
Brian: You're welcome. Allah is great!
Mark: Yeah, he is, isn't he?
we're not terrorists, so calm down out there.
finally decided on the phrase "BlackHugh Downs!" to yell
at the screen. It didn't go over that well.
- I'm constantly amazed by the stupid crap that comes up in our
world. As you probably have heard, currently there is a horrible
situation in northern Georgia involving a crematorium run by some
extremely lazy (or evil) people. Incredible and unbelievable...
why on earth would anyone mistreat the dead this way and how in
the hell did they think they were going to get away with it... and
for how long? This place isn't that far from Knoxville and I'm thankful
that this didn't happen in Tennessee, since we seem to always get
hit hard by stupid news stories and continue to look like rednecks
to the rest of the country. Too bad it had to be in the South, though.
Contrary to what some may think, we Southerners aren't stupid
and we're tired of the idiocy of a small few of us.
took Friday off from work, which combined with Saturday, Sunday
and tomorrow being President's day, made it a four-day weekend for
me. So, what happened? I promptly got sick, of course. I woke up
yesterday with what felt like a fever and my whole body constantly
tingling like if someone had run fingernails down your back. Felt
weird... kinda bad and kinda good at the same time. I feel better
now, but I mostly just slept yesterday and can even remember what
happened or if I spoke to anyone. I do remember having a weird dream,
though. Since I was sick and it's also Black History Month, I dreamed
that Abraham Lincoln was the first man to step out onto the moon's
surface and his first words were, "A mind is a terrible thing
If you're stuck on what to get your sweetie for this day, here
are some ideas.
I think everything's back to normal now with the site... But there's
still some areas that I need to repost. As I was going through stuff,
I was amazed at the number of files that a website can accumulate,
and even more amazed at the disarray that mine was in. It's a wonder
that this site works at all. This is a good time to organize better.
you seen the new iMac by Macintosh?
sure it's a great computer and is loaded with all types of features...
but it looks like a cheesy prop from a really bad sci-fi movie.
was in a book store last Friday and saw this book...
Complete Idiot's Guide to Sex on the Net? I assume by "net"
that they are referring to the Internet? Or is this some kind of
kinky tennis manual?
page may be missing some graphics and photos. I'm slowly building
it back since the entire site has yet to be reposted by the geniuses
at Interland (see yesterday's post).
added some menu items to the "Activity Center" column
on the left. Do you see them? Good. Visit the Gift Shop, buy some
stuff, and make me a rich man. Thanks in advance.
of intestinal activity... a coworker and I had lunch at a Chinese
restaurant today. Here's what I said to him at the buffet trough, "I'm glad you mentioned coming here... I needed a good
I'm writing this while not really knowing when it will be read by
you. The Wonderful World of Longmire, at this moment, doesn't exist
on the web due to a major screw-up caused by a switching of ISPs.
This wasn't my choice, but was apparently a buyout by my current/former
Internet service provider. And it sure is frustrating to have the
web site down and have no control over its reappearance. Hopefully,
it will be back up soon.
didn't sleep good the other night and actually had a nightmare with
all kinds of bizarre images. It was one of those "dream-within-a-dream"
things where I knew I was asleep and dreaming but was paralyzed
and couldn't wake up out of it. I had to literally break out of
the dream and woke up gasping around 3 a.m. I haven't had one of
those in years and it was really weird. It can probably be attributed
to eating half a carton of malted-milk balls (Whoppers) that night
just before bedtime.
special shout-out goes to my son on his 16th birthday today. Happy
Birthday, Nick! And while I have your attention... clean up your
room and take out the garbage.
a look at this
ad fast... I have a feeling the site's webmaster may find it
at any second and delete it.
guy during his life hurts himself from time to time... and I'm talking
about the terrible pain of a scrotum mishap. It can be accidental
or from some external violent force. Now, here's a weird thought...
what if it happened one day to every single male at the very same
exact moment? Talk about a worldwide moment of silence...
Thursday was Dear
Brian's birthday and one of the gifts he got was a life-size
inflatable girlie doll. Brian has developed a fondness for his new
friend. If only she felt the same way about him...
thought "tats" was slang for nipples until my
son told me it meant tattoos.
don't know about you, but the words "Smitty" and
"surgical" just don't seem to go together. Scary.
work, I wish whoever keeps plucking their belly button lint and
placing it on top of the urinal would stop it.