Monday, December 31 - I hope everyone has a nice New Year's Eve tonight. Have you made any resolutions? If so, share them on the message boards. I've posted 10 resolutions I'm going to try my best to keep.
Thursday, December 27 - Tonight is a first... I'm heading out to dinner to meet someone I met through the Internet. Nope, it's no weird chat room encounter, but a fellow website author who is town with his wife and family on their annual pilgrimage from Mississippi to the neighboring Smoky Mountains. Mr. Christopher Shields will be in town to spread fear and panic in Knoxville. Should be a memorable event as the two of us, both hopelessly deranged, compare mental deficiencies and work on our master plan to take over the world.
Tuesday, December 25 - Hey, Merry Christmas everybody! Hope all you parents out there remembered to get batteries!
Monday, December 24 - This year, I've found that I have a lot more Christmas spirit in me. So much, in fact, that I'm heading to the walk-in clinic after work today to have some of it drained.
Sunday, December 23 - Just heard the news this morning that a guy tried to set off a bomb in his shoes while on an airline flight from Paris to Miami. Man, these terrorists sure are innovative and now have airport security checking people's shoes, of all things. You know what this means, don't you? In the future, when we fly, we'll be required to be totally naked throughout the flight.
Well, I was having a great holiday time until this morning. I was in my bathroom sprucing myself up, and noticed my beard trimmer was missing. I looked all around but couldn't find it anywhere. Checked the guest bathroom, but still no luck. I questioned my two kids but they claimed to know nothing. I called my mom, who has a habit of occasionally tidying up and rearranging items in my house against my wishes, but she denied any foul play. My trimmer and its recharging cord have vanished. How could it be gone? Did a scraggly-bearded wanderer come into the house and take it? Something weird is going on and it's threatening to ruin my damn Christmas.
Wednesday, December 19 - I'm worried about one of my neighbors. Wait a minute... worrying would imply caring, so let me rephrase that. I'm wondering about one of my neighbors. Usually on the day after Thanksgiving, he puts up enough Christmas lights on his house that you can get a tan at night from the road just looking at them ("don't look directly at the baby Jesus"), and aircraft overhead use his house as a visual landmark. It's uncanny and unprecedented...this year he has done nothing and it's mighty dark over there... kind of like a black hole in space.
Speaking of Christmas decorations, I sure hope I don't get stopped by the police... I've got a station wagon full of stolen nativity scene baby Jesuses.
Monday, December 17 - Last month I took some time off from work and went to the Veterans Day Parade in downtown Knoxville. After it was over, I walked over to Market Square and had lunch at a restaurant called The Tomato Head. It was my first time there and they took a candid photo of me for an advertisement that just appeared in last week's Metro Pulse newspaper.
Sunday, December 16 - It never fails. Days after the message board debuts, there are already some mild arguments started and talk of bestiality (the latter is now thankfully deleted). Sheesh.
Friday, December 14 - On a local news program this morning, the anchorman turns to the weathergirl and says, "Lee, tell us about the wetness this morning."
I saw a bizarre Christmas commercial last night for Blockbuster Video featuring "Elfis," a midget Elvis impersonator. It's one of those things you have to see to believe.
I read this quote today...
"The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been." -Madeleine L'Engle
What a stupid, stupid thing to say. It sounds like a barroom quote... seemingly great wisdom uttered when you're drunk, but idiotic the next day.
Thursday, December 13 - If you look at the menu at the top of this page, you'll notice that the guestbook is history. I did away with it. Spammers found it and attacked it with advertising. In its place is a brand spankin' new Message Board. Give it a try.
Wednesday, 12/12/01 - Some interesting sites that I've discovered recently...
Last night, my daughter had a band concert at her school. I live in a nice, modest area, but there are some redneck families here and there... and some attended the concert. A guy sitting behind me was so damn fat, he got up during the intermission and his stomach hit me in the back of the head. I kid you not.
But the family in front of me took the cake. I've now come to know them as "The Hitting Family." I have never seen a more ill-behaved, childish group of people in my life (other than me and my friends who are all highly skilled professionals). All evening, the father, mother, son and two daughters in the seats directly in front of me constantly jabbed, poked, punched, slapped, flicked, elbowed, and taunted each other. Plus, they were throwing gum wrappers and cola can pull tabs at each other. At one point the obese and butt-ugly mother left during the intermission and returned, and before she sat back down she proceeded to pull her blouse up halfway, hike up her sweat pants, lower the shirt back down, and then plop into the seat with an earthshaking thud. I watched this with the utmost horror. I could actually feel and picture the disgusted look on my face. You know that look you must have when you smell a fart that is not your own? That's the look. (I guess you could say that I saw a fart.)
And to top it off, when the concert was over, all the band members stood up on-stage to face the audience and this family's third daughter, who was performing, was also big... and on crutches (rednecks ALWAYS have some sort of leg injury)... stood in front of my daughter as I was trying to take a photograph of her. Looking through the viewfinder, I heard myself muttering "Move over, fatass, move it, move... dammit, MOVE!"
That family was definitely on my nerves last night.
I heard a story on the news last night that a regional grocery store chain here in the South is going to have to lay off 1500 workers due to the "sluggish economy." I can understand news like this concerning other businesses where consumer spending is down, but grocery stores? What's the deal? Are people eating less?
The Birchfield's sign was fairly amusing today. Its constant misspellings are a recurring event I can always seem to count on...
If any of the attending members of the Alzheimer Association meeting noticed this typo on the way in from the parking lot... and had intended to mention it to the management... they probably forgot about it once inside (and proceeded to walk fully clothed into the swimming pool).
Monday, our department at work had a Christmas party during lunch that involved an anonymous gift swap. I ended up with some candle holders and a ceramic teddy bear Christmas train... two items I've longed for all my life. Anyway, I used the candle holders and some alien figures I happened to have on hand to create a little holiday scene in my office, combining the Christmas spirit with a science fiction theme...
Tuesday, 12/11/01 - I had a brief but horrifying Y2K flashback today.
Saturday night I went to the company Christmas party. It was a fun dinner and dance, but I strained my back during the midget toss. I did win a prize for getting the most midgets in the bucket, though. After the party, two lovely women (from the office Christmas party) and I went to a dance club. They were very nice to let me hang out with them. Sure, I had to promise to wash their cars for a year and pick up their dry cleaning every Thursday, but it was worth it to show everyone at the club that, contrary to popular belief, I am a heterosexual.
Friday, 12/07/01 - I've been working diligently on a new page design for The (almost) Daily Comment. I plan to have some new features along with the commentary. It will be kind of like an "activity center" with more stuff to check out in one convenient location. It will be a challenge to keep it current with new stuff. It should be ready to roll in about a week, so stay tuned.
Here's a little assignment for you. Go to the Yahoo or Google site and type in "Victor Ashe" as the keywords (Victor Ashe is the mayor here in Knoxville). Take a look at the first listing that comes up. Yep, it's one of my pages. I'm kinda proud of that.
Wednesday, 12/05/01 - Oh, the sweet sweat of a Swede in a suede suit sitting in a swank suite.
Tuesday, 12/04/01 - Yesterday, this inter-company notice was e-mailed to all employees where I work...
Monday, 12/03/01 - Thanks to that Gap commercial on TV, I can't get that Supertramp tune, Give a Little Bit, out of my head.
Saturday, 12/01/01 - Some thoughts about George Harrison...
While the Beatles were still together as a band, George had to struggle to have his songs included on their albums, the content of which were monopolized with Lennon and McCartney material. He was the youngest of the group and was seemingly always treated as such. He was a talented songwriter and musician in his own right. Sadly, although Paul McCartney's eulogized him warmly yesterday as a great guy and "baby brother," he still didn't acknowledge the man's talent.
George was called "the quiet Beatle," and if you ever have seen an interview with him you know that when he did speak, it was worth listening to. A 1997 interview with him on VH-1 airing throughout this weekend is an example of his intelligence and philosophy on life. And if you've ever seen any of his music videos, you've no doubt noticed that he had a great Monty Python-ish sense of humor.
A week from today will mark the 21st anniversary of John Lennon's death. Since 1980, there have been countless tributes to him whether it be books, TV specials, or all-star CD compilations of his music. Even though his murder was tragic and has had a lasting effect in our memories, with no disrespect to Lennon, the tributes have become a bit tiresome and overdone (the pinnacle of overdone being actor Kevin Spacey's embarrassing performance of "Mind Games" a couple of months ago on yet another television special tribute to Lennon).
Now we have two Beatles gone. Only in death has George Harrison finally taken the spotlight away from Lennon and McCartney, if only temporarily, and is being given his overdue credit. Do you think we will see upcoming live star-studded television specials honoring George as we have seen for Lennon for all these years? Will Paul and Ringo write and record a song about him? We'll have to wait and see how the entertainment world chooses to honor him.
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