Saturday, 8/31/02 - Another
couple of days ago, a friend and I were sitting at a booth
at the front windows of a restaurant and were treated to a very
special show. Very special, indeed.
On the turnpike that runs in front of the restaurant, two panel
trucks drove by. On the sides of each truck was the word "Choice,"
and rather graphic, rather large full color photos of aborted babies.
Aborted babies with extra sauce, if you know what I mean. During
the course of our meal, we were treated with not one, but three
drive-bys as they must have been making continuous circuits of the
area. Now, I usually avoid getting into that controversial fight
over abortion, but I do disagree with SOME pro-lifers' tactics of
getting their message across... mainly killing doctors, blowing
up clinics, throwing fetuses at people... and generally making huge
nuisances of themselves.
time I checked, abortion was legal. How about some trucks to drive
around with pornographic scenes? Yeah, I'd like that. Pornography
is considered by some to be obscene, but like abortion, it's also
this display didn't change my views of abortion but it reaffirmed
my distaste for this crude in-your-face public message campaign.
Just across the street from the restaurant was a Catholic school
with kids playing on the lawn. OK, so the protesters wanted adults
to see the horrors of abortion, but there was no need to expose
kids to it.
least, pornographers make a minimal effort to keep their products
away from kids. And no, I'm not promoting porno... just making a
have an idea. I challenge every pro-lifer out there to strike a
legitimate deal with all pregnant women who are considering an abortion.
With direct funding from you, the woman would carry the baby to
term and then deliver it into your loving arms. This way, you could
adopt every single child from an unwanted pregnancy and care for
it until he/she reaches adulthood, thus solving the abortion issue.
takers out there?
Tuesday, 8/27/02 - A
couple of incidents involving food... what are the odds that these
two things would happen consecutively?
night I went to Sonic and got a BLT and a grilled cheese sandwich.
When I got home, I discovered the grilled cheese sandwich was actually
a cold piece of cheese and two buttered pieces of bread. They forgot
to cook it. Fortunately, they remembered the complicated recipe
for the BLT.
at lunch, Sieger (my supervisor and loyal friend) and I went to
a deli/diner and I ordered a cheeseburger with tomato and onion
only. When our numbers were called, we went to the counter and got
our burgers. Halfway back to our table, I noticed something was
missing on my burger... mainly, the burger itself.
said I yelled it out, but I don't think I was that loud when I exclaimed
"WHERE'S THE MEAT?" Everyone got a laugh out of this,
except the deli's owner, a Middle-Eastern gentleman who never shows
any expression at all unless you attempt to joke with him... and
then that expression is "disturbed."
totally forgot that August 6 marked the 2nd anniversary of The Wonderful
World of Longmire at this dot com address. So, Happy Birthday, website!
Monday, 8/26/02 - The
sales tax in Tennessee has gotten (more) crazy lately since the
budget crisis was (haphazardly) resolved last month. Here's some
examples taken from a quiz that accompanied an article in last week's
Metro Pulse, a Knoxville weekly alternative newspaper. These figures
are for Knox County, the county that Knoxville is in...
What is the sales tax on a loaf of bread?
8.25 percent (Most food products were exempt from the recent
sales tax increase.)
What is the sales tax on a Snickers Bar?
percent (Most candy products were exempt from the food exemption.)
What is the sales tax on a Reese's Stick Bar?
percent (The Reese's Stick Bar has flour and is therefore considered
food instead of candy.)
What is the sales tax on a package of cough drops?
percent (In Tennessee, cough drops are considered candy.)
What is the sales tax on baby food?
What is the sales tax on horse food?
(Virtually everything a farmer needs to farm in Tennessee is exempt
from sales taxes.)
What is the sales tax on a newspaper?
What is the sales tax on a magazine?
If someone does repair work on a central air conditioning unit,
what is the tax on that labor?
(A central air conditioning unit is considered a part of fixed real
estate, and repairs to fixed real estate are exempt.)
If someone does repair work on a window air conditioning unit, what
is the tax on that labor?
What sales and use tax rate does a manufacturer pay for electricity
used in the manufacturing process?
What sales and use tax does a residential user pay on electricity?
In addition to the sales tax, what is Tennessee's current cigarette
tax per cigarette?
If your cable bill is $50, how much sales and use tax do you pay?
(The first $15 of cable bills are exempt. The next $12.50 is taxed
at 8.25 percent. The remainder of the bill is taxed at 9.25 percent.)
If you buy a car for $10,000, what is the combined state and local
sales taxes on the purchase?
(The tax is 9.25 percent for the first $1,600, 9.75 percent for
the next $1,600, and 7 percent for the remainder.)
the article is an opinion voiced by Charlie Thomas, a local attorney,
that I agree with totally...
Thomas says he has started going out of his way to
stock up on groceries and gasoline when he is out of state. But
his main reason is not to save money. It's to protest.
"I'm pretty fed up," says Thomas, who believes part
of Tennessee's problem is exorbitant highway spending, which is
supported by gasoline taxes. "At this point, I don't want to buy
anything in this state if I don't have to. All my life, I've tried
to defend Tennessee against charges that we're a politically backward
state. I surrender now."
article if you want to read it.
Friday, 8/23/02 - Photos from
anyone else see the irony here?
in case you can't read the lettering on the reflective surface of
the truck, it reads, "Batesville Casket Company.... Please
Drive Safely." OK, OK, it's a pretty weak joke... but it's
all I've got for today.)
yesterday's lead story on CNN's website...
Qaeda fighters rush a burning hut in an exercise meant to
prepare them for urban combat.
combat training?... THIS??? Well, it looks like to me that this
would great training if you're planning an armed assault on Abraham
maybe this scene is actually a blooper from the terrorist training
video... where they realized that they left the beans on the stove
Wednesday, 8/21/02 - I
got some e-mail comments concerning yesterday's two entries which
happen to be about a couple of black entertainers. I won't go into
it in detail, but I can respond by stating, no, it wasn't on purpose...
just a co-inky-dink.
and inconsiderate? ME? I am actually a truly loving, kind, thoughtful,
and caring human being. I am also very modest.
if you don't believe me, I'll bust your head open.
Tuesday, 8/20/02 - The
Official Police Report (OPR) has just been released concerning the
automobile crash that took the life of Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, member
of the popular girl-singing-group TLC. It turns out that, contrary
to her and TLC's advice to their fans, Lopes was in fact killed
while in the process of chasing a waterfall. DNA evidence of a waterfall
was found inside the vehicle as well as inside the vest pockets,
nasal passages, and rectum of Lopes. The police report also states
that the damaged state of the vehicle involved shows the unmistakable
signs of a head on collision with a waterfall. The cast of CBS's
hit crime-busting TV series CSI:Crime Scene Investigation confirm
this finding and went on to deduce that Lopes and her posse (I said
posse) must have been chasing the waterfall at a high rate
of speed when the waterfall did an unexpected about-face (or, using
rapper street lingo, "hung a U-ie") and slammed into the fast-approaching
Lopes (in her car with the previously mentioned posse). With the
assistance of a motorized cadaver wearing a cowboy hat, CSI star
William Peterson came to his professional conclusion that "Left
Eye disobeyed her own advice by not "sticking to the rivers
and the lakes that she was used to." Peterson then flung the cadaver
at the wall and left the room.
of cadavers, last night I watched all of 15 minutes of a show on
VH1 commemorating the 30th anniversary of Michael Jackson's career.
I think it was an old rerun, maybe. 15 minutes was all I could bear
as it turned out to be a royal ass-kissing fest bestowed upon a
self-mutilating freak. The opening number featured an emaciated
Whitney Houston. She was so skinny, it hurt just looking at her...
almost as much as seeing the rapidly decomposing King of Pop in
the audience. Another musical number consisted of some female singers
performing some kind of uplifting emotional ballad interspersed
with scenes of The Odd One visiting children in various hospitals.
You know how unpredictable young children are... in one shot, a
toddler reached out toward an unsuspecting Jackson and pulled off
part of his chin. Other parts of this segment showed Jacko in past
music videos as a bare-chested angel as well as showing several
ill-advised close-ups of his face. I found myself saying out loud,
"My god, he's weird." This portion of the show was followed
by "personal" testimonies by celebrities such as Sophia
Loren, Katherine Hepburn, and Gregory Peck. Peck nailed it perfectly
when he referred to Jackson as a "sacred monster." I'm
not kidding. Hepburn was shown sitting in an overstuffed chair soaked
in her own urine. I turned the channel rather quickly at that point.
- Beware of the puffer.
the men's restroom where I work (I mean, the restroom at my workplace...
I don't actually work in a restroom) there is a room deodorizer
that is an aerosol can that puffs out this scented mist in timed
intervals. Every time I'm standing at the urinal, this deodorizer
goes off with a loud "PFFFFFTTT" and startles me, which
results in me almost damaging myself. It never fails. First the
scent was some kind of talc smell, then they replaced it with a
cinnamon scented one, and now the current scent smells like a department
store perfume counter. It's really heavy and leaves a sour taste
in my mouth. Either the custodian got the men's and women's restrooms
mixed up, or we're the butt (no pun intended) of a cruel prank.
If the guys got the perfume smell, then I guess the women's restroom
smells like pretzels and beer.
don't know why I told you all that, but after all, there is a disclaimer
at the top of this page that states, "Stuff I'm going to tell
you about whether you want to hear it or not."
like to think that you do.
in peace, your Highness.
- After all is said and done, Elvis is still dead.
lot of you may be asking yourselves, "Is there a connection
between Longmire and The King?" Yes, I'm sure you're
asking that. The answer is YES... sort of.
the weeks following Elvis's death back in 1977, a lot of people
brainstormed ideas on how to make money
off the name of the recently departed King. One such person came
up with an get-rich quick scheme, hired my father to design artwork
for an Elvis quilt, of all things. OK, go ahead and laugh. The quilt
was to be mass-produced and the final art consisted of squares showing
gold records of Elvis's hit singles and also squares depicting scenes
from his movies. My dad did a great job on it, got paid for it,
the customer took the artwork to be reproduced, and we never heard
any more about it.
few years later, I saw a tongue-in-cheek styled TV documentary about
Elvis fans and memorabilia on a major cable channel. I've got that
show SOMEWHERE on tape. One scene took place in an Elvis memorabilia
museum. And what did I see spread out on a bed but the Elvis quilt
designed by my dad. It wasn't singled out for a particular mention,
but there it was in the shot
with the host of the show sitting on it. I felt proud in a weird
sort of way... I guess it was like if you had seen your car wrecked
on the news. So, I guess they DID sell some of those quilts after
all... so there is the sole Longmire contribution to the Elvis legacy...
or lunacy, however you look at it.
Impressed? Yes, I thought so.
tired of the look of this page. Design-wise, it doesn't resemble
the rest of the site. What was I thinking? I'm going to redesign
The (almost) Daily Comment and have a new look by the start of next
month, and stick with it for good. So, don't be frightened when
you see the new page. Everything will be OK... I promise.
- Current Events (keep in mind that I'm
not an informed expert on ANYTHING)
luck with this one: $116
trillion lawsuit filed by 9/11 families.
"It's up to us to bankrupt the terrorists," said
Deena Burnett, whose husband was aboard the hijacked Flight 93 that
crashed September 11. Acknowledging the odds are against them, relatives
of the September 11 attacks filed a 15-count, $116 trillion lawsuit
Thursday against the company run by Osama bin Laden's family, Saudi
Arabian princes and Sudan. Calling themselves Families United
to Bankrupt Terrorism, the plaintiffs are suing seven international
banks; eight Islamic foundations, charities and their subsidiaries;
individual terrorist financiers; the Saudi bin Laden Group; three
Saudi princes; and the government of Sudan for allegedly bankrolling
the terrorist al Qaeda network, Osama bin Laden and the Taliban.
that this action is more symbolic than realistic (they'll never
see a dime), but it's a good thing the group didn't call themselves
Families United to Condemn Killing.
from the news, you would think that child abduction is on the rise
in this country, but the FBI says that isn't the case. The statistics
are the same, it's just that the media is focusing more attention
to the incidents now. Personally, I can tell you one thing that
is never mentioned on the news by any "experts"... parents
need to watch their kids more closely. I've seen it in neighborhoods.
Toddlers being watched (if at all) by slightly older children, kids
running perilously near the street while the parent is preoccupied
by (you guessed it) talking on the ol' cell phone. Lazy, self-indulgent
parents make it easy for child snatchers to shop for their victims.
I still see this even after the news of child abductions has become
to have a neighbor that lived across the street and I found myself
(out of concern) watching her very two young children in her yard
while she was inside doing whatever. I called her on it a couple
of times but she never changed her parental behavior. I was anticipating
the day when they were snatched or run over. Fortunately, it never
happened and she moved away. This is what I'm talking about... lazy
not saying that this is the reason for all of these child abductions,
but I'll bet you a dollar that it played a major part in most of
the cases involving small children. The child safety "experts"
won't ever say this because they're probably scared to place any
blame on parents... not a "proper" thing to say and too
un-PC. Instead, the experts put all of the safety responsibility
on the kid, teaching them how to deal with strangers. That's good,
but better parental supervision is just as important and needs to
be stressed just as much.
saw on CNN this morning that there is a slavery reparations rally
being held in Washington, D.C. today. Should the government pay
African-Americans apology money for slavery? I guess the big question
is who would be actually paying. The American tax-payer of course.
So, if taxes fund the reparations, doesn't that mean that a lot
of people who had nothing at all to do with slavery will be, in
effect, paying slavery's descendents a tidy sum? People who immigrated
to the U.S. long after slavery was abolished will have to dole out
tax money for this? Also, not all white folks had slaves (mostly
wealthy people) so why should we be made to pay or even feel guilty
about it? Make the wealthy white families who owned slaves fork
out the money and leave the rest of us alone.
order for reparations to be considered, it can't just be a handout.
I would think that descendants of slaves would have to prove just
that... that they are the relatives of slaves and are entitled to
some compensation. That part could prove tricky and maybe impossible
with some families. The logistics of such a verification process
would be difficult at best.
aren't present day blacks taxpayers themselves? If there isn't a
system created for the parties responsible to foot the bill for
this, blacks (being taxpayers) may in effect be paying themselves
reparations for slavery.
a pro baseball strike may be coming up by the 30th. Who cares? These
guys make a LOT of money for playing a game... for playing a really
boring game. Somewhere along the line in the past, the salaries
and contract amounts of professional athletes started increasing
to ridiculous amounts that are insulting to normal working people.
The team owners pay top dollar because they want the best players
so they can win, which attracts fans to the games, which attracts
advertising and marketing, etc... all to make big money, of course.
I say put a cap on the salaries. I think $50-60,000 (plus paid expenses)
a year is more than enough for what the job of a baseball player
calls for. If the player doesn't like that amount, well... then,
they don't have to play. They can go back home and plow the field
or man the McDonald's drive-thru. The same with ridulously-paid
actors. You want to act in a movie? Here's what we'll pay you...
take it or leave it. Don't like our offer? OK, then go make a feature
film on your own with your camcorder.
- My daughter sleeps weird...
you remember where you were when you heard the news that Elvis had
died? Were you even born yet? I had just graduated high school a
couple months prior and I remember being at work that day and wondering
why the radio station was playing so many Elvis songs... then I
heard the news. I wasn't an Elvis fan at all and hadn't even heard
of him doing anything for a while, but I knew this was major news.
Only in the past 25 years since his death have I become a semi-Elvis
fan. Yeah, Elvis was definitely cool.
- Wow, what a wasted evening last night. I just laid on the couch
and watched 2 hours of old Hollywood Squares shows from the mid-70s.
Charlie Weaver to block, please. It was mildly entertaining though,
picking out the now-dead celebrities and viewing old prizes like
Chevy Vegas, Super 8 home movie outfits, and really dated looking
dining room furniture. I had stuff to do but just didn't feel like
doing a thing.
- This weekend, I went saw the movie Signs. Excellent movie...
I highly recommend it. It's about an alien invasion and how it affects
a Pennslyvania farm family consisting of widower/father Mel Gibson,
brother Joaquin Phoenix, and Gibson's two young children. What I
liked most about the movie is that rather than going the full-scale
route of Independance Day and showing how the country and
world witnesses and battles the alien invaders, the movie audience
is isolated along with this family... the only way we know what
is going on elsewhere is through snippets of TV commentary that
we witness along with them. But there is more going on than just
the aliens... there is a human drama involving this family recovering
from a recent tragedy that ties along very nicely with the sci-fi
storyline. There's a lot of quick startling moments, so be ready
for them... in other words, you might spray the people seated in
front of you with diet coke if you're not careful. For a while,
I thought we wouldn't get a good close look at an alien, but....
well, you'll have to see the movie.
Thursday, 8/8/02 - Jared's Secret... REVEALED!!!
Suzy J. showed me what she found on her Subway sandwich bag...
So, that's the secret to Jared's diet! But what are "pickies?"
Scabs? Boogers? Dried or peeling sunburned skin?
is for real. Don't believe me? Check your Subway bag, chump.
Better late than never...
I was working on this piece just days before September 11 last
year. After the tragedies, It didn't seem right at the time to post
it, and then I forgot about it until recently. So, if 11 months
is a long enough waiting period, here goes...
you know what to do if you receive a bomb threat over the telephone
at work? Here's a Telephone
Bomb Threat Checklist to have handy to guide you through this
harrowing experience. It's also available in Adobe
Acrobat PDF format.
Wednesday, 8/7/02 - When I first heard the name of this tool, I thought
it was some Sears-sponsored sports/porno event...
Saturday, 8/3/02 - Mel Gibson has a brand new feature film out called
Gibson losing his mind? From the descriptive caption above, it looks
like this new film will be just as odd as his
Friday, 8/2/02 - Hey, Funkified Apes Fans... Part
7: Dr. Z's Rap Session is now online.
what are you waiting for? READ IT NOW, DAMN YOU!!!