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Thursday, 4/29/04 - Even Though It's Happened, It's Still... Unbelievable...

A sappy web page devoted to Dale Earnhardt was recently brought to my attention.

Some loving excerpts...

"Who would have ever imagined a rub, would kill a legend?"

"You died, in the middle of doing the one thing you loved more then anything in the world. I can only pray, I'm lucky enough to go in the same way... One Quarter Mile From Heaven..."

"I'll picture him circling heaven; with red, black, and chrome wings. And with his grin; telling angels ... and even our great Creator, "Look out over comes the "INTIMIDATOR!"

"Good-bye Dale... Oh Dale, I miss you terribly... Visit my other sites (over 600 at the Members sites) at; Danny's Daily'"

Unfortunately that's correct... the sickeningly-sentimental Earnhardt tribute is just the tip of the iceberg of a bizarre award-winning phenomenon called...

The Dan Daily Sites
You Can't Laugh The Way I Laugh, Until You Cry The Way I've Cried...

Yep, and you can't vomit the way I vomit until you spend 10 minutes in his domain. I've never seen anything quite like this guy's site. It's stupefying. Even Though It's Happened, It's Still... Unbelievable...

And I can't decide whether the guy is a moron or a comedy genius... although I'm leaning heavily toward moron.

I could comment forever on his mind-blowing web pages, but I think... Actually, I'm speechless. I think Dan himself sums it up best when he says...

"Laughter is the Sun That Drives Winter From the Human Face... Please Spread it Around... "

Wednesday, 4/21/04 - Did I mention that I was going to hell?

Christopher T. Shields sent me this photo yesterday, complete with caption...

And I'd like to add... what could they have been thinking? Geez, the Disney licensing standards must be getting really lax.

Can you imagine this thing in motion?

Well, I did.

I took it to the next level... straight down.

So, turn on your speakers and finish swallowing any liquids before you check this out.

... And that's why I continue my plummet towards hell.

Tuesday, 4/20/04 - Greetings from Memphis...

Sent: Monday, March 22, 2004 11:24 AM
From: Will Rasbach []
Subject: hillbilly


I did not really find your website real amusing (Memphis trip report). I think it is kind of disrespectful to "cut and paste" yourself all over the home at Graceland and especially on the grave site. No, I am not some redneck, Elvis maniac, rather I am well educated and appreciative that we Memphians have some unique things here that we would like to have respected. I know you only come out of the hills a few times a year but when you do please try to act like a civilized human being when portraying yourself on a website instead of some kind of hillbilly.

I love answering e-mail from my fans, even if it's almost a month later and they think all is forgotten...

Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 07:40 PM
To: Will Rasbach []
Subject: RE: hillbilly

Hey, HELL!

Don't you Memfisites know that Elvis ain't dead? So, if you got riled up at me standin' on his grave, well shit, he ain't in it anyways so it don't matter no goddamn bit anyhows. I know I'm borned and raised in east Teneesee and I ain't schooled as fancy as you uns out that way, but I knows when a man is dead or not. Who else could be puttin out all the damn Elvis records all the time if he ain't alive? And I just saw him on the TV the other night. See there? I just showd you, so you ain't so smart your own damn self.

And another thing about your town… your puny little sit-down commodes can'nt handle a east Tennesee dump. Just ask the damn janiters at the Graceland visitor center.

So there.

- Mark Longmire

The Wonderful World of Longmire
KNOXVILLE, Tennessee

Monday, 4/12/04 - As I was saying...

How's the war in Iraq going for you? "Are we having fun yet?" President Bush STILL can't seem to find those darn Weapons of Mass Destruction, as he so humorously displayed last month in a slide show presented at a black-tie dinner (see news article). Hee-larious. Mr. President, that was so cute... I'm sure the widowed spouses and families of dead soldiers (soldiers that Bush sent to their deaths looking for those weapons) got a kick out of that one. Can you say "insensitive?" Sure you can.

Bad form, Dubya. We need to turn this guy out of office as soon as possible. Even die-hard Republicans have got to be having some doubts about this guy.

Just after the horrible killing of those four US contractors in Fallujah, my girfriend and I were watching the evening news when I came to the (way overdue) conclusion that the situation in Iraq is absolutely hopeless.

I recall a portion of an entry I wrote just barely over a year ago on April 9, 2003:

"From what I've seen and read, the Iraqi people seem to be a fickle bunch that have a mob mentality. Jubilation can quickly turn to hostility. They are divided in their feelings toward the US and tend to react to what is right in front of them at the moment. I think we may be in a wee bit over our heads when it comes to keeping the peace and establishing a new government for these people."

I wish I hadn't been right.

And just the other night, I was talking to my 16 year-old daughter and I told her that I was really sorry that this was the kind of world that she had to live the rest of her life in. I told her that I had the good fortune to live most of my 44 years in a country that was safe from foreign violence. Terrorism happened in other countries... not here.

It's hard to remember now what life felt like before 9/11. On the surface, my life really hasn't been affected that much since then, but it has been... very subtly. Most of the time I go about my days unaffected, but at some quiet times now and then I find myself feeling a slight bit of worry and dread for the future.

An ad from a Mobile, Alabama newspaper (from my trip down there back in February):

Combining a couple of recent new movie releases, here's some humor at The Rock's expense:


©2004, Mark Longmire, The Wonderful World of Longmire