judging by this e-mail I got yesterday, I've ticked off another
Wynonna Judd fan...
referring to is this
case you missed the comments of the first disgruntled fan (back
in October), you can view them here.
but I remain truly terrified of The Judd.
a reminder... tomorrow is the deadline for entries in the
"Name My Truck" Contest."
Don't miss out on winning a fabulous prize! Send
in your entry today!
say "NO" to self-pleasure...
to Benjy Pritchett for sending me this!)
Finally, I've found some justification for acting immature...
secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age,
which means never losing your enthusiasm."
- Aldous Huxley
recent turmoil in the Catholic church brings this to mind...
this ancient and obviously confused guy have any major power to
make any crucial decisions that affect people? Scary thought. I
mean, just look at him! Next thing you know, Popey will demand that
pudding be served at communion!
Pope John Paul II reaches out for a youngster. The boy's no
dope... he reads the papers. Right- The Pope mistakes a Kraft
cheese single for a handkerchief.
church needs to retire this guy's number. He's definitely lost his
touch... not like the good ol' Pope we used to know. Witness the
difference in Popey's health and attitude today compared to this
photo taken just seven years ago...
THAT'S MY KIND OF POPE!
GO, POPEY, GO!!!
Last Saturday night, I attended an event which required that I wear a tuxedo. I had to return the rented tux the following
Monday, so I had an extra day to enjoy
it and get my money's worth out of it...
I've come to the conclusion that people with tattoos are just walking
billboards for Satan.
this odd photo of me and my kids from my 42nd birthday back in November.
Make no mistake, the cheesy smile on my face is a deliberate put
on. However, the kids appear here in their normal states of behavior.
I would title this "The Dysfunctional Duo" but there are
three of us. Perhaps "The Troubled Trio" is a more fitting
courtesy of my mom, Mrs. Longmire.
Here's an error
message which reveals that web servers have feelings, too.
Have you ever noticed how incredibly long it takes senior citizens
to operate ATMs? They stay at the machine so long you wonder if
they're standing there making out their last will and testament.
First they punch in... s l o w l y... to check their balance...
hey, no need for that... most old folks have got plenty of
money. Just save us all some time and get your damn $20 and then
check the balance on your withdrawal receipt. We younger folks HAVE
GOT STUFF TO DO, GRANDPA, so make it snappy.
when it seems that they're finally finished with the ATM... they
continue to stand there rearranging and sorting the entire contents
of their wallet. When they FINALLY step away from the machine, they
always give this certain look... they ALWAYS do, you can count
on it... a startled look like they are actually surprised to
find that a long line of people has formed behind them during the
17 minutes they have been attempting to operate the newfangled money-vending
contraption. I'm sure you've seen this look I'm talking about.
conclusion, this magical adventure ends as the entire ATM-savvy
crowd that has been patiently waiting conducts their transactions
and departs faster than the old feeb can waddle (and slosh around
his urine collection bag) to his crookedly-parked car in the nearby
was this guy in the checkout line at the supermarket this evening.
Looked like he had been out in the sun, but somehow underestimated
the shade protection of his sunglasses, resulting in a strange tan
line resembling something I like to call a "reverse raccoon."
It was hilarious. I tried to recreate it here in Photoshop...
in the very slight chance that you were the guy in the supermarket
and you are reading this right now... you are a dumbass.
bought a new CD, Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass's Greatest Hits...
OK, go ahead and laugh... but I grew up in the 60s hearing this
music. My dad had all his albums. Anyhoo, I can't listen to it without
visualizing it being the soundtrack to a porno movie. Light, whimsical,
fast-paced music that fits the imagined scenes perfectly. Think
I see joggers, I entertain myself with the thought that a ghost
is chasing them.
you hear the tragic news? Oh, it's horrible, just horrible. Evidently,
the human-hunting season has officially opened at our country's
oceanside vacation spots. Click on the Headline of the Week
link in the column on the left.
it... looks like I left the front porch light on all night again!
saw a few odd things yesterday...
ate lunch with fancy lad Bruce Vieser at Red Lobster. At one point,
a waitress with a trayful of dirty dishes went in through the kitchen
entrance and immediately there was an horrendous crash which was
followed by... and I'm not making this up... a solitary little plastic
sauce cup bouncing out of the kitchen and coming to rest on the
floor just outside the door. Talk about a cartoon moment.
a one-armed man cutting grass on a riding lawnmower...
person with a colostomy bag that had cigarette butts floating in
to be on the Jerry Springer Show?
course you don't! But if you go to this
page and submit some info, a sample Springer episodestarring
YOU will generate. Yes, that's right! In a few mere seconds,
you will be sleeping with your sister's husband's pet Vietnamese
potbellied pig's veterinarian's transvestite aunt's illegitimate
I mention the
"Name My Truck" Contest?
Surely, there must be more than 2 people interested in winning fame
and glory, plus a t-shirt. Send
those entries in, folks... deadline is April 30.
the squirrels scampering through the tree tops, I came to the conclusion
that they are nothing but little rat monkeys.
barely making the end of March deadline... just as I promised...
Part 6 of the Planet
of the Apes funkified parody is now online and ready for your
viewing pleasure. It's loaded with photos, sounds, and what the
Internet was made for... animated gifs! Perfect reading material
for April Fool's Day!