Selections from

the Wonderful World of Longmire

From time to time, I get some really nice e-mail
from really nice people. I very much appreciate your
kind thoughts and compliments on my little website.
It makes it all worthwhile to know that you enjoy it.
Below are some I'd like to share with you,
my beloved viewers.

- Mark


My oldest son thinks your web stuff is funny. We are having him committed on April 23rd, in case you'd like to be there...

- Maurice Lowery

(Comments on my exotic dancing video)

You are the spawn of the devil.....Shake that groove thang, shake that groove thang, yeah yeah..........

- Tonya Bernhardt

(Concerning the Planet of the Apes saga, funkified...)

Hey, You sir, are hillarious! The site is great. I happened upon it while looking for reference pics of planet of the apes. (for artwork) I dont know how you come up with this stuff, but keep it up.

Excellent design too. Very professional.

I just recently got my second site up & runnin'. The original site is my studio at If ya have some time to waste, check it out. I'm a comic book artist just starting my first project through another studio. The second site is biker art. I started it as something of a gag, but it's becoming pretty popular. (bikers with computers...go figure)

Anyway, just had to e-mail you & tell ya how much I enjoyed the visit. Can't wait to see the rest of the "apes" section!

- Steve


Hey, I too saw Planet of the Apes in 1968. I'm forty-one now and it's still my favorite movie. I look forward to seeing the rest of your parody. I especially like to see funny things done with frames from the film. Great work so far.

And now for a "let me clue you in" reminder.... Apes will be out on DVD August 15th, 2000! You should be able to get really good image quality from them. Also, What do you think of Tim Burton doing the remake, or reinvention, or whatever?

Rory Monteith,
fellow Apes fan.

P.S. "The proper study of apes is apes."
Meaning, forget the sequels.



I read your planet of the apes feature! I never laughed so hard at a story in my life! PLease PLEAse PLEase continue it soon!!! Willl you email me when you write more chapters?

- Chrissy Sollecito


(I guess the verdict is in... I've got to get busy on continuing the Apes saga or there may be some unpleasantness soon)

(Concerning the Knoxville Kommunity Events Kalendar...)

Hey Mark-

The Events Calendar (as have many previous WWOL features...) made me laugh so uncontrollably that I nearly soiled myself! Many a truth is spoken in jest, and you have skewered several of K-ville's "sacred" institutions beautifully and accurately. Thanks for having the 'nads to say what needed to be said, and hopefully deflate he puffed up chests of several arrogant too-proud-of-themselves "big-time" K-villians!

Thou art truly doing the work of the Lord!


I saw the word "designer" and thought to myself what an well designed page you had.

I checked the source code, and lo and behold - you use a Mac.

I didn't even need to look, did I? :)

Great work.


(These two letters are about the Presidential campaign coverage...) kidding, and I'm not lying, I literally laughed myself silly looking at that page. It's the funniest danged thing I've seen in a long while, and it did make me laugh out loud. IT IS A SCREAM. You've topped yourself with this one. That first photo just about made me wet my pants and/or fall out of the chair.

See ya.



This is wonderful.

Mark, you are the man. I love the presidential candidates.


Dear Mark,

Just experienced your timely web site on Apollo 11's 30th Anniversary. It's so enlightening to finally know the real story of the first moon walk. One thing I'd like to know is when did Buzz catch a cold? You know, he does all those decongestant commercials about getting rid of his drippy nose during the mission (imagine having to evade floating strings of snot while circling the moon in the space capsule). No wonder he and Neil weren't getting along. Hey, maybe Michael had a few "Contacts" in his wallet and that's why Neil took his wallet...Buzz's sniffles and sneezes where driving Neil crazy and he couldn't concentrate on what he wanted to say when he walked on the moon. What do you think?

Thanks for inviting me to your wonderful world,

Kathy Hart

Hi, my name's Annette! I really like your web site! Your so cool! I was reading your pet peeves and they're really hilarious! I read them before but they're funny each time.

By the way, that Dear Brian is a real hunk! I wish he would dip me in batter and fry me in a big hot tub!

Well, gotta go, really like, love your site!


(These two letters are about the vacation page...)


Hey, Mark!
Very nice! You obviously have a way with children. I hope you didn't let them hang there long while you took the picture. Kids have delicate fingers. As you put it so elequently, "Let 'em Work, Let 'em Live!"

You will have to send me your burger recipe, by the way.

Your pal,

Pat Broderick



Hilarious photos. Funny piece. Bravo.


(John Halcyon Styn,

I just browsed in.........really don't know how I ended up at your site......but I loved it and have book marked it for future visits. I'm still laughing at your road signs!

Keep up the good work.

Maggie Oseguera

Wagga Wagga  NSW Australia


(Yep, you read it right... Australia. Thanks to the www, I can spread my stupid crap all over the world. Ha, Ha! Ha!)

(Here are some e-mails I received from fellow Longmireans... they must have been doing some geneology searching or something and came across my site by accident...)

G'day, all you other Longmires... and how many of you suffered the nick-name of 'Quagmire' ???

- James (Longmire) from Perth, Western Australia.



Hi: My name is Martey Longmire. Came across your Wonderful World of Longmire page--it just proves that there must be something genetically wrong will all Longmires. Not just my branch of the family.

I got a kick out of it and added it to my favorites. Look forward to future visits....

Thanks for the laughs. I especially liked TeleFalwell. Making him red was so appropriate. I think he needs horns rather than a cross, though. I look forward to revisiting your web site, and more craziness from you. I have a pretty warped sense of humor.



Hey, I saw your web site and really enjoyed it. I always thought I was the beautiful man women called Longmire.

- John Longmire



Hi Mr. Longmire,

Well, well, well. Your site was a sight for sore eyes and what made it more interesting is that a Longmire was capable of creating such a wonderful, relevant work of art......a Tennessee Longmire at that....I would just like to comment on your Longmire site. I LOVED IT!!! The vacation photos were great and your tale was better than a Chevy Chase Vacation Movie. I would love to show the photos of your kids splattered on the concrete below your room to my students and use it as a warning poster to those who insist upon NOT following my classroom edicts, but my principal says NOT!!

Keep up the good work.


Stephanie Longmire Clayton

P.S. I am bookmarking your site to show everyone here what happens when cousins marry.

I like the website, but who the hell is "Mark" Longmire?

- Gus Zacharias

(I received this message from a chap in England with my name. I'm not quite sure exactly what was going on over there...)


Well, I thought it was about time that I sent my name-sake an e-mail. It is good to see that you have a similarly warped mind and like to indulge in perverse ways of expressing your inner most thoughts.(I am currently having my back kissed by a most sensuous .... ahhh!) Sorry about that, I was being side-tracked. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I was most impressed with the web site and that I have been telling all my friends that I designed it (although your picture does not bear any resemblance to me and I live in Surrey, England and not on the other side of the pond). I am sorry, I will have to go now as the kissing has started again. Hope to hear from you soon.

Mark Longmire
Guildford, Surrey, England

(Judging at first from the subject line of this e-mail, I thought I was receiving my first hate mail message. I was a little disappointed when it turned out to be a compliment. I guess I just need to try a bit harder to offend you people.)

Subject: EL SICKO
From: Jim Rouse


oh thank you for sharing!
"people that frightened me" made me laugh out loud.
"rear window" has got me doing all kinds of spin offs.

you're good, aren't you?
please, continue.
respectfully, Robin


Keep those e-mails rolling in, folks.


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